Ftd

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blacksparky

Wow, I wouldn’t blame you for wanting to just leave. Remember that it is not him but the disease that has taken control over him. He has no idea that he is hurting you. If I was in your shoes, the first thing I would do is lose the keys to the car. He is a danger to himself and others driving. I had to take the keys and lose (hide) them. My DW also refuses to go to Doctor. I’ve had to grind up her anxiety meds and ad them to her food without her knowing. She eats and snacks all day long so I have ample opportunity to add the meds to her food. My DW has EOAD. She is more of a crier at this point but who knows, she might turn abusive some day. I just take it a day at a time. I truly feel for you and your DH.

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SDianeL

he should not be driving. Just a matter of time before he kills somebody. I would call the police and tell them that the gay man is trespassing. Grind up his meds and put them in his food. Maybe time to call social services? If you have no control or rights maybe it is time to leave. So sorry you are in this situation.

housefinch

It sounds like he might need to be admitted to a psychiatric facility (one that specializes in dementia—a geriatric psychiatric unit regardless of his age)—that’s where he would get specialized treatment to make his behavior more manageable. He does not sound safe to be left home while you’re working. You are at risk of him harming someone else while you are at work. I don’t know if you would be found as negligent by adult social services for your county, but it’s possible if you are not supervising someone who sounds as dangerous as you describe. You could be at risk of being harmed yourself if he has psychosis that isn’t identified and treated. I hope there are no guns, knives, etc anywhere accessible to him and under no circumstances should he drive ever again. If he is so angry about not being allowed to drive that he escalates and is threatening, he needs to have 911 called to be transported to your local ER. Then you should explain he is unsafe to keep at home. Your safety is important.

ST_niece

You might need to have a Capacity Asssessment done for your husband, and attain Power of Attorney so you can make decisions to keep him safe and protect finances.

It sounds like you will need help gaining control of the situation. Can you talk to your local Alz Assoc, or your doctor, to see if you can get a social worker to help you

MN Chickadee

I would call the Alzheimers Association hotline 1-800-272-3900 and speak with one of their social workers. It sounds like you will need a combination of approaches for this including a geriatric psych inpatient unit, maybe police/ambulance, a lawyer for emergency guardianship etc. A lot of pieces to put together but it sounds like you are reaching a state of emergency and it needs to happen. You need to act now before he hurts himself, you, or a total stranger. This has the makings of a disaster written all over it. The driving or the disregard for rules and other people could get him arrested or he could hurt someone. Then you both could be in jeopardy, both legally and financially. The hotline should be able to direct you to resources in your area. If you do decide to move out, either due to exhaustion or your personal safety is at risk, please talk with an attorney first. You want to know what legal ramifications may be. If he has been diagnosed with FTD and you just leave a vulnerable adult alone you could risk issues. An elder law attorney is probably a very important call to make. And remember that if you ever feel threatened or at risk, call 911. Other people here have had to do it and it's an appropriate step to take if you are at risk of being hurt. It would probably start the process of getting him help. Police take the person to the ER, from there you would have him transferred to a geriatric psych unit for medication management until he is more stable. Hang in there and let us know how things go.

ronda b

Please do what others have suggested soon. He will get worse.

Jo C.

Thinking of you. I do understand how very difficult this must be and am so very sorry; yet, steps need to be taken to keep things from becoming worse than need be. You have received some good advice as to how to move forward in a protective manner.

Speaking with an Elder Law Attorney will be of assistance in putting a frame around the situation by being knowledgeable about all the in's and out's of the situation including the legal issues and knowing how to move forward.

It can be difficult to take that first step, but putting one toe in the water will begin to make all other necessities possible and to assist in seeing to it how to move forward in the best way possible for both your LO and ALSO for yourself which is just as important.

Best to not delay to get this in motion as sometimes things escalate abruptly without warning which leaves one with less choices and higher risks.

Let us know how things are; we will be thinking of you.

J.

jsps139_

How you have dealt with him for years like this is unfathomable! Please get help as soon as possible. And I agree with others - driving needs to stop immediately. Could you disconnect the battery if he would not be able to figure it out?????? I’m so very sorry that you are dealing with this for so long on your own.

Jeanne C.

My husband also has FTD. The hardest thing I ever had to do was call 911 when he was severely agitated and aggressive. But it had to be done. He was in the hospital for 10 days while they adjusted meds. It made all the difference. With the right meds he was less anxious and had fewer delusions. It’s hard, but you NEED to take control. For your safety and his.

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