Catch-22

welden

Well, I seem to have encountered a Catch-22. I explained our situation (wife with early dementia) to a lawyer, who said I would need a letter from my wife’s doctor before she (the lawyer) would draft a Power of Attorney. My wife’s doctor wrote a letter saying that my wife is cognitively impaired and that a POA would be appropriate. Now the lawyer says she won’t draft the POA because my wife is too impaired. The lawyer says my only option is guardianship or conservatorship. My wife does not accept that she has Alzheimer’s, so I’m extremely reluctant to go to court. I know she would be deeply offended.

I am incredibly frustrated/angry/depressed.

Any ideas for what to do next? Get a new lawyer? Get a different letter? Both?

thanks for any feedback.

terei

Can she sign her name where instructed? I had a DPOA form from the state we were in. My mom + I went to a notary who had two witnesses, We filled out what was necessary, had my mom sign + it was notarized…the end. I never had any trouble using it in various states for 10 years.

I also suggest you have an least two originals made + carry one with you at all times…the other in a safe place

welden

Many thanks. I’ll give that a try.

Quilting brings calm

The time to go to a notary public and get a POA signed ended the minute the lawyer said what they said. If a lawyer said your wife was too impaired do sign a POA, then you going around him could be considered elder abuse. Now, you might be able to get a different lawyer to say she was competent enough to sign. The lawyer has to feel she knows what she is signing before they will agree to it. Whereas all a notary public is doing is confirming the person signing had ID saying who they were.

So yes- guardianship or conservatorship is what’s required now. Will your wife take offense? depends on how you approach it. Guardianships aren’t always contested. She could agree to it just as you seem to feel she wanted to agree to the POA.

I guess I have to ask - how did she feel about the lawyer’s statement? The lawyer did interview her before she made that comment?

cdgbdr

My husband has moderate dementia and satisfied the attorney that he knew enough to sign the documents. We had all of that done in one appointment and I can now use POA for other needs. Do you think an attorney might see it differently meeting her in person, or is she not in a place to even meet with one?

Biggles

You definitely need a POA but you can download the forms, fill them out and as long as your wife can sign her name, take them to any registered Justice of the Peace, and don’t complicate things with the JP, just say that it’s future planning because your wife hasn’t been well. She will be asked questions such as ‘are you signing these papers without pressure’ ‘do you know what you are signing’ etc be gentle and help her through, you do need to get them signed. Like a lot of us on this forum I have found doing the right thing doesn’t mean you have to be black or white, right or wrong, just gently get them signed and get things done that need to be done for you both to cope with this awful disease.

Karen711

I think an experienced attorney versed in this area would be able to handle it. Our attorney met with both of us, she came to our home, and made her own assessment and went ahead with the DPOA docs and line of succession changes. Maybe try a different lawyer? Best of luck, let us know!

Karen

HollyBerry

Agree with the others, this is where an attorney who specializes in elder law will have a better understanding of what needs to be done. If you think your wife will be opposed to the idea of giving you POA, maybe explain it as "just in case something happens to one of us." Pretend you are preparing the same doc with her as your POA? Then destroy it. If she is still aware enough to care she is probably capable enough to agree if the idea is introduced the right way.

There are online templates for wills and POAs but our lawyer added a couple things to the POA specific to dementia and it's progression- the POA was active immediately and stays in effect for the rest of her life (there's a name for this). She can still sign her checks if she wants and can do all the things (theoretically), I just have the ability to do them for her (in reality). Maybe that can be part of the conversation with your wife.

BPS

I think there is a lot of discretion on the attorneys part as to who is competent to sign so I would try a different attorney and only tell them the information they need or ask for. The attorney we used knew why we were getting the POA and she asked my wife a couple of questions but they were not to complicated.

sandwichone123

I would completely get another lawyer. That's ridiculous!

Iris L.

Your DW does not "accept" thst she has Alzheimer's because she has anosognosia, which means she is unaware that she has Alzheimer's. This is different from denial. It will go better not to mention Alzheimer's or dementia to her.

Iris

lenbury

I used legal zoom for the forms for both my wife and I to make my son our power of attorney then got them notarized at our bank. She thought it was a good idea and her dementia was never discussed.