New here need help took moms car away

marianHW

hi I am new to this and our family is new to the whole Alzheimer’s. Dementia. I would say my mom is a stage five . We disabled the battery on the car November 1st and told her it needed to be fixed and every day she asked me about the car. So now I had it towed so that it can get fixed (fib) and even out of sight she still asks about her car every day. Now she wants the name & phone number to car repair shop. we thought about having her doctor tell her again she can no longer drive, he already told her once, but how will she remember that as her short term memory is gone? Is it just one of the many questions she’s going to ask me on a daily basis ? Do I just change subject? Please help?

psg712

Yes, you will have to put up with frequent questions about the car for a while. If the doctor told her not to drive, you can repeat that and let him be the bad guy in this situation. We did that with my mom. She was mad at the doctor but complied. I eventually sold her car, and then she was mad at me even though she hadn't driven it in months. Eventually she forgot about it, but it took a while. Just keep reminding yourself it's for her safety and the safety of everyone on the road!

SusanB-dil

Agreeing with psg. You can also tell her there is a part on backorder if you think it will delay questions for a little longer. May or may not help. A pwd can get fixated on something and it can be darn difficult to redirect.

fmb

Can you get a friend to play the part of the 'mechanic' so you can help your mom call 'the garage' so your friend can tell her that the part is on backorder and won't be available for months? She may not believe it coming from you, but might believe (at least in the moment) if it comes from the (fake) mechanic. She may very well forget about it in a while since out of sight often become out of mind for PWD. Fiblets are often kinder than the truth.

Emily 123

Yes—four to earlyish five is hard. The PWD is clued in enough to their environment and routines that they're going to ask questions, but without a short term memory they won't recall what the answer was (or that they've asked you 10 times today). Everytime I had to make something up and fib I'd feel a bit guilty—it just stinks, doesn't it?

I'd just tell her 'bad news, they're having trouble finding the part' and then try to divert her. My mom would believe me more if I acted worked up about whatever it was, and it seemed to make her more inclined to drop the subject. (I think it made her feel validated?)