New to the group

nikki1040028

Hi there my name is Nicole I am new to this group. I have been living/taking care of my 71 year old father for four years now. I am in the process of trying to sell his home to afford a memory care. I need to get my life back I have kids i still work 36 hours a week. This has been incredibly challenging. I do it all in my own. My daughter in law watches him while I'm at work or need to run an errands. My son and his wife live with us as well as my 14 year old son. My dad can't read he can't remember how to work the roku remote. He has gone down hill incredibly fast in 4 years.. he is also insulin dependent with high blood pressure as well. So I'm looking for support understanding and a place to vent.

SusanB-dil

Hi Nicole - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

We understand. Caregiver burnout is real! It does sound like you need a break! You go ahead and vent, because 'this' is hard!

I'm sorry you are dealing with 'this'. Your dad is blessed to have you watching out for him. But you do need to take care of you!

sandwichone123

Welcome! Talk to an elder law attorney if you haven't done so yet. It's important to make sure that you manage selling the house in such a way that he will qualify for Medicaid if needed down the road. Once you're dealing with dementia, things are so expensive that a lawyer visit is cheap insurance.

--Rebecca--

Welcome to the group. Nicole. I hope things go smoothly with your house sale. This is a great place to vent, and to gain insight. The tip about visiting a lawyer sounds like good advice.

SusanB-dil

Hi @Ccruzado also welcome to 'here'…

Agree - a lot of 'this' is frustrating. You can see on many posts that siblings and other family members are sometimes more hassle than helpful. Not alone on that at all.

It is not uncommon for a PWD to mistake 'the person in the mirror' as someone else. They do not see themselves in that manner any longer, so that person must be someone else. It can be especially unnerving for them if they think someone else is in the bathroom with them.

So sorry you are dealing with 'this', and really bad with both folks. They are blessed to have you watching out for them.

Is paperwork in order? DPOA and HIPAA access? Are they still living alone?

SusanB-dil

For HIPAA - you can get the form from the doctor's office and your parent can sign. OR the office can verify while you are both at the doctor's office. OR… best case… it should be written into the DPOA as ours was. Bring the DPOA paper to the doctor's office for verification that you are allowed the access.

Victoriaredux

Ccruzado — sounds like your folks are alone at night? What if there is a fire? One of them falls? You may want to talk to the doctor about what they think about them living alone part of the time .

Also talk to an elder law attorney about if/how they qualify for medicaid if you can't get 24/7 coverage in their home.

Sorry about your sister , some folks just have to ignore the facts of a situation to avoid reality or what they should be doing to step up, and that seems to be baked into them. Maybe she can run errands that would help you but keep her off people's nerves ? One can hope, right?

Your folks are lucky to have you and your husband.

psg712

Please forgive me if I have misunderstood...are you locking him in a room at night? Without you or a cognizant caregiver available? I think this would be considered imprisonment or even abusive, even if you are doing it to keep him from wandering. If nothing else, very dangerous in case of a fire, gas leak or similar emergency.

I sympathize with your frustration. It doesn't sound safe for them to be unsupervised at night or daytime.

Victoriaredux

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/230961#Comment_230961

Please reach out to the Alz Assoc social workers - they can give you advise and resources at no charge to obtain care options for your parents. .

"Get Help and Support, Day or Night

The Alzheimer’s Association is here all day, every day for people facing Alzheimer’s and other dementia through our free 24/7 Helpline (800.272.3900). Talk to a dementia expert now and get confidential emotional support, local resources, crisis assistance and information in over 200 languages. It's ok if you don't know where to start. Just give us a call and we'll guide you from there."

psg is correct , as POA you could be found liable for having dependent impaired adults living alone and locked in. With energy costs a neighbor could try a funky way to heat their unit and your parents die of monoxide poisoning .

We know it isn't easy , but safety is the primary goal and it doesn't sound safe .