Moving Dad to a New Facility

Amykitty1

I have never posted here, but just need to get this out. I have done 99.9% of the caregiving for my dad who is now mid to late stage. He is in Assisted Living, but the facility he is in provides very little assistance. I think they may be understaffed but it's just not working out. This past weekend, I spent 5 hours with my dad screaming at the top of his lungs incoherently with terrible diarrhea. He cannot verbalize where the pain is. The memory care in this facility is subpar to say the least, so I cannot move him in there. We have chosen another facility 5 minutes from my house and he moves in on December 20th. I am beside myself with worry on his last two weeks where he is and making this move right before Christmas. Just needed to vent, I know so many of you understand the anxiety that goes into caring for a LO. UGH!!!

Gina224

Hello,

I recently joined this group presenting as the sole caregiver for my mother who is also in late stages. I completely understand the burden you are carrying; my mother is currently in a facility, I make every attempt to stay as involved as possible, at the same time it’s exhausting! It’s as if the roles have completely reversed, at this stage I’m the parent, she’s the child! Mom somehow finds a way to undo everything I do for her. I have definitely reached caregiver burnout, at this postured I’m trying to take heed to the advise and comments as it relates to burnout. It’s difficult not to worry, all I can say is try not to.

DTSbuddy

Amykitty1 My sympathy. You are a kind and considerate person. It sounds as though you have made a heroic effort to take care of him well! Take care of yourself too.

Gina 224 The undoing of everything is my DH's way to continue to try to be helpful. He is trying to put things in their place, but he cannot remember where they belong. My 80 yr old DH talks about his parents sometimes, and enjoys hearing children picture books. There is a regression that happens with some people with dementia. Best wishes for taking care of her and yourself.

fmb

@Amykitty1 Most assisted living facilities are not suited for people with anything beyond mild cognitive impairment. They are the gateway into memory care.

Has your dad been evaluated for hospice care? In general, by the time the PWD has reached the stage of double incontinence, they are eligible under Medicare guidelines. You do not need a referral and can arrange for an evaluation with a chosen hospice provider yourself. The new facility may have a list of hospice providers they contract with, though not having a contract with a particular facility does not necessarily disqualify a provider from providing services there. Services are covered by Medicare and most insurances.

My DH (late Stage 7 ALZ, CHF, stroke damage) lives in an ALF with enhanced services and has been in hospice care for the past year. Our hospice team is an invaluable help to both him and me. They are extra eyes on, help me advocate for his care and coordinate with the ALF staff, and provide care services (bathing, medications, regular visits by an RN, etc.) beyond what the ALF can provide. They provided wheelchairs, a hospital bed, a Hoyer lift, and various other DME he needed along the way. I attend a caregiver support group sponsored by the hospice agency. The chaplain supports both of us. On-call nurses are available 24/7/365 for medical issues. They have truly been lifesavers for both of us. Please consider this option for both his sake and yours. You can't let this disease claim two victims.

--Rebecca--

Amykitty1 I am doing the same exact thing. Everything you just explained, I'm going through the same thing. The exception is I'm not facing the screaming incident. Don't feel badly for moving your dad at Christmas time. I don't. I worry about the transition going smoothly. It has almost broken me. The problems, paperwork and red tape have been crushing. But it happening around the holidays doesn't worry me. Think about it this way: Would you delay anyone proper medical care because it's Christmas time? If you waited until after the holidays, you would make him live with insufficient support for at least two more weeks.

It being at Christmas makes it harder for us. I've taken christmas cards and outside decorations off my plate this year to reduce my stress. Our food will be dialed back, too.

You can do this! You should feel proud for being an awesome caregiver. Feeling anxious is to be expected, but carve out a little energy to feel proud for being a great advocate for your dad, too.

Victoriaredux

Better you have a new bed for him just before Christmas then trying just after —when other families have gone home and are then trying to place their parents/spouses after situations they encountered during the holiday.

If you haven't already consider touching base with his Doctor to get the screaming /diarrhea managed before the move so that he won't be sent off to a geripsych unit or ER to get the cause worked on right when he lands.