Depends

MarDel0917

How do you get them to wear deoends? My BF 45yo EOAsoils himself everyday. He has peed on my side of the bed several times and today on his side of the bed. I. Am. Over. It. He is convinced it's not him and yells at me that it's not. I tell him I'm not even home and that I'm potty trained. The caregiver wants him to wear them as to not have to wash and shower him everyday. Which I understand.

Help!!!!

We are all in this together 💜

harshedbuzz

@MarDel0917

It sounds as if you might be trying to reason with him which is a violation of the first rule of Dementia Fight Club— don't reason with a person who can't.

In fact, it might be best not to comment on his incontinence at all. The standard advice, and that which worked for even my care-resistant dad, is to remove his regular underwear and replace with the most underwear-looking Depends you can find. With my aunt, her sister told her they were new-fangled "paper panties" to save on laundry.

If you haven't already, you'll want to put a 6-sided waterproof mattress protector on the bed and potentially upholstered furniture. Sadly, incontinence care is often the camel the breaks the family-caregiving back and leads to placement.

HB

Palmetto Peg

My DH is in Memory Care, but when he starting having urinary incontinence I bought the gray Depends with the black waistband, and called them pull-ups. I told him he needed to wear them to protect his skin (and the "family jewels" are still quite important to him 🤣) and after a while he stopped asking me why he was wearing them. I took all of the regular underwear out of his drawer and replaced them with these. I buy his rather than relying on the unit to provide them, because the ones they use are white, aren't cut for men, and since I would be paying for them anyway, very expensive for what they are. I have them on auto-ship from Amazon, and they are quite reasonable.

Despondent

I think my DH had an awareness of what happened. I never said anything. I had previously purchased them (because I knew the day was coming) and just called them his underwear. But my DH is 81. Actually I'm at his bedside on death watch. The hospice nurse said she would be surprised if he was still with me tomorrow. This was quick at the end but a long struggle to this point.

tucson anne

I second the recommendation for the depends with the waistband. They are called depends real fit, and seem to fit better than the regular depends. I did as others have done, just removed all regular underpants and said these were so I would have less laundry. My husband is not incontinent, but these catch the post-void dribbles. And he did have one major accident which these contained. No discussion, no reasoning, just calm statement. I order them on the dreaded Amazon which sends them in too many cardboard boxes so I'm going to try walmart or target which also carry them.

MarDel0917

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/231281#Comment_231281

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/231281#Comment_231281

My prayers and thoughts are with you. ((Hugs))

jsps139_

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/231281#Comment_231281

I feel your sadness. I’m praying for you both!

jsps139_

I am dreading the day we’re dealing with the depends issue because I am married to one stubborn Italian! 😂😂

I am always glad when someone asks the “depends question” because we all know if we aren’t there yet, we will be someday.

CampCarol

My husband has been wearing “pull-ups” without issue for almost a year now. But all of a sudden, he’s refusing. He wants to wear 3 or 4 pair of gym shorts layered instead. He pitched a fit when I suggested he wear the pull ups underneath. He’s not totally incontinent yet, but does dribble a lot while trying to get to the bathroom as well as after-effects. I think part of it is that the shorts have zippered pockets, and he wants to keep his wallet there. (He has broken all of the zippers but hasn’t figured that out yet.) Any suggestions on how to get back on track would be appreciated!