Have I totally lost it?

Denise1847

My DH has been in MC for 2 months. I have an absolute obsession to redecorate (paint and flooring) our living area and bedroom. I have felt like I have been in a prison so my surrounding are a constant reminder of the depressing life I have lived for 6 years. I feel like I am trying to rebuild my life by changing my surroundings. Somehow I think I am healing from this as my DH could not have handled any changes in our home.

Has anyone else gone down this path?

BPS

Right after my wife went into MC I felt the need to clear out a lot of stuff. I have not done any major remodeling but keep thinking about selling the house. I don't think it makes financial sense and I don't know where I would live but I sit here doing nothing to much and want a change.

sandwichone123

It took me several months before I started moving his stuff. I have a white elephant gift exchange and didn't want to buy some bit of junk. Then I saw his teapot and thought, "Perfect!" it's not my style at all, but someone else might love it.

Dunno

today, I decided to do something nice for myself. I bought a new iPhone! Woohoo! It's been a long time coming… go ahead have some fun and paint the walls!!! 😀

SDianeL

I had to move in with my daughter due to cancer treatment but I can understand wanting to redecorate. I’m sure I would if I had my own place. Plus it will take your mind off things. I say do it. You deserve it.

WIGO23

My sense is that you have definitely not “lost it”. But rather your need to change your physical environment is a sign of hope that you can move forward and cast off a hurtful past. I wish you happy redecorating your life and finding some satisfaction.

Biggles

Absolutely paint redecorate get some new bright sheets for the bed as well!!

harshedbuzz

I totally get it. I suspect it's normal.

My dad was only in MC for 7 weeks, so mom hadn't started her projects. Once he passed, she blazed through the house like Joanna Gaines on steroids.

Part of it was that I'd moved my parents from their homes in MD and FL into a home that had been decorated 20 years ago and not to mom's persnickety tastes. FWIW, dad's dementia had turned him into a controlling cheapskate, so she wasn't exactly happy with decor in either of those houses either.

The month after he died, she started to not only purged the house of the previous owner's questionable choices, but she also jettisoned a number of things she associated with dad's illness. She had the entire house painted, redid the landscaping, replaced all the window treatments, replaced all the kitchen appliances with nicer stainless and installed hardwoods throughout. In putting the place back together, she replaced all the linens in her bedroom and had the soft furnishings in the living room reupholstered or changed out the slip covers. Dad mostly spent time in those rooms and 6 years later she still can't face the red slipcover for the sofa because it's where he spent most of the time. She also brought back the lamps and small tables we removed in the phase where he was agitated and prone to throwing things.

Probably the best gift she gave herself was getting the dental implants dad didn't support her getting. She's lost her teeth in an accident as a young woman and really wanted implants. He countered with "It's not worth it. How long are you going to live?" She's so happy with them and they really improved her appearance.

My BFF lost her DH a little over a year ago to lung disease. She has also made changes to her home which is funny because her DH would have indulged her in whatever she wanted but she waited. She did a refresh to her kitchen— lighting, countertop, backsplash, professional range. She donated his lift chair recliners and got rid of the electric fireplace he always had on because he was cold, turned their massive closet into a dressing room and now using "his" bathroom (grab bars and toilet lift) as storage for her cat's food and litter supplies. She has a 120' retaining wall built on the edge of her property and spent tens of thousands on landscaping the space.

HB

fmb

I'm not redecorating my ancient mobile home because I plan to move out of state as soon as the dust settles after DH dies. I have already started cleaning out for the move. I removed a lot of the bad memory triggers (his bed) and decor that I never liked in the first place and gave some furniture to his daughter.

I also finally purchased some things for myself that I had wanted for a long time. A new electric piano with headphones to take to a new apartment. A better cellphone. And just last week I bought a new sewing machine for my charity sewing/quilting.

Palmetto Peg

After my DH went to memory care, I did some freshening up of our apartment. We had only lived in it together for about 9 months, but when we first moved in I was so busy caring for him that I had no time to make it nice. I took over his bathroom, bought a nice storage cabinet for it, put valences and curtains in all of the windows in the apartment, and just basically made it mine. Part of it was a way to fill the time, but I also found it very peaceful to settle in and make my surroundings pretty. Go for it - our safe place should be what pleases us!

Denise1847

Thank you all very much for your kind responses. I feel better to hear that others have either these thoughts or taken action to change their surroundings. It feels liberating and hopeful.