Untold truth

Lavendercranberry1

How do you deal with a parent who has dementia and who unloads and dumps all of their genuine thoughts, concerns, feelings, and everything else on only you but when asked by doctor's and other family members they either intentionally lie and omits information telling others they're fine and didn't experience those things, or the information is omitted and withheld because of forgetting and not being able to articulate properly?

My foster mom hasnt fully empting her bowels for two weeks straight she hasn't had a full bowel movement. She's been telling me and showing of pain and discomfort because the fecal matter is large, hard, and right at the opening but won't come out. So she can feel it and has pain and discomfort walking, lying down, moving, etc...

Been to the ER, she couldn't stay and be seen as it was too cold.

Saw a nurse practitioner today, was told to eat more fiber and prescribed a few things that may take days to work. There was no release and basically she came home with the same problem..no resolve.

I get on the phone and have been telling of her pain and discomfort to her family, and how she needs to go back to the ER to just get her system flushed while there.

She gets on the phone and tells them she isn't in pain, that she feels okay, within the exception of not being able to relieve herself. When she does this often, her family view me as a liar, someone who is pushing a false narrative and coercion towards their sickly mother to get what I want.

So when she does this, they tend to listen to her and not me. I don't know why because I live with her and witness this…… idk what to do. Any suggestions?

H1235

Colace is mild and over the counter. Magnesium is also another option. They can be taken together if needed. A hot coffee or cup of hot water on an empty stomach first thing in the morning. I’m sorry I have no idea how to handle her not being truthful. If things re bad enough could you record her telling you how much pain she is in? Good luck.

SusanB-dil

Agree with H1235 - record the interactions you are having. If necessary, her phone could get 'lost'.

The 'why' is exactly because you live with her. You are getting the brunt of it all and she is showtiming with everyone else.

Do you have DPOA and HIPAA? You could tell her primary exactly what is happening and they may be able to see her (or they can let you know if the magnesium is an option - given the situation, do check on that before trying). If you don't have HIPAA, you can still tell them the situation, but they just won't be able to reply back.

psg712

Sorry for the bluntness ... old nurse here ... "large, hard and right at the opening" will likely need manual disimpaction. The ER or a home health nurse can do this if your mom will allow it. That's the tricky part.

Yes, it's common for the PWD to put on a good front for everyone else but the caregiver gets the harsh reality. And then you have to deal with all the others who don't believe you because they can't accept the hard truth that she really does have a mind altering disease.