New to group. Married father moved in with us. Undiagnosed

Shaneata

In August we brought my very confused father to live with us, released in family care. Wife is from the Philippines and works 24/7. In the 3 months he has been here he's had 21.4 hours of facetime with her. My father is getting hyper focused on things that last 1-2 weeks. I have tried to involve her in his care but she never showed interest, now her and i don't speak at all. But she calls my dad. Calls never go over 2 minutes. But lately she's telling him things that get him very upset. I dont understand their relationship whatsoever. I had to get a POA and AHCD, even spoke to lawyer. I have frozen his credit because he was in great debt. Had accounts in collections he never opened. Now she wants him to move out of town into a cate home she'll be working at. Just at my waist end with her. Also I have a very rare genetic disease SCA3 that prevents me from driving but I do ALL of his care. Any advise on the wife?

sandwichone123

I suggest taking his phone or at least making it so calls do not go through to him (block her number). Then if she calls you, you can say his phone is broken but you will be able to monitor the interaction.

H1235

Welcome. If there were accounts in collection he never opened, is she running up bills in his name? I would be worried about protecting him financially beyond just a credit hold. Did you discuss this with the lawyer? Could he somehow be legally responsible for debts she incurs even if his name is not on the debt (simply because they are married)? Does she have access to his bank account? I just wonder if there are other legal steps you should take to protect him. I agree with blocking her number.

Shaneata

I have gotten a full DPOA, Rep Payee for his SSI and she's not on his AHCD. We switched his bank account to where my husband works. He is POA on it also her name isn't on anything there. It's a total mess. He says he loves her but 21 years ago didnt want to marry her for green card . To my knowledge when he first came home with massive swelling on the brain. He was interview by 2 social workers that asked about sex and physical comforts he said no it's not that kind of relationship and it is what it is. When I asked him why he thought she was a good person he just said because she works all the time. I'm sure because they're married he is liable for her debts also. But we nor him know anything about her. All I can do is protect him as much as possible. He sees neurologist soon and doctor says he definitely shows lots of signs of dementia.

H1235

I guess what I’m thinking is should he divorce her. I know that seems extreme, but maybe necessary to protect him. How you would go about that (maybe guardianship) and is it even necessary is a question for a lawyer.