Mom with dementia moved to AL and misses her house. Can she go back and say bye to it?

Gabriel

Hello All. I recently had to put my mother into AL due to her dementia and she never had a chance to day goodbye to her house. We sold the house and I am wondering if I could take her back to it to say "goodbye?" Since she left she was crying daily about missing it and I am scared if I take her back, she will relapse into the same sad behavior. Any advice? Thank you!!!!!

Victoriaredux

Hi Gabriel — what your Mom is feeling is very common - but with dementia patients it is usually a matter of them missing the feeling home gave them rather than the actual structure. Change is difficult for PWD and with their memories the past and present get muddled.

Some folks have driven thousands of miles to try to stop the 'I want to go home" pleas, when they got there the PWD asked "why are we here?"

Teepa has some good videos on the topic , some longer, some shorter-here's one

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abI3AHP2S4s&ab_channel=TeepaSnow%27sPositiveApproachtoCare

Good for you getting your Mom safe and the house sold.

mabelgirl

I agree that the PWD is really missing their old self and feelings. I can’t imagine being unable to sort things out completely and disconcerting it might feel. Try to divert mom when she starts in or make up a reason why she can’t like it’s being remodeled or having repairs. Prayers for peace.

Gabriel

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/231309#Comment_231309

THANK YOU SO MUCH for your advice and guidance. What you mentioned makes a lot of sense and really helps me understand my mother's perspective. I also appreciate the confirmation that I made the best decision to keep my mother safe. I will continue to watch more of Teepa's videos. THANKS again!!

frankay

in the early days my DH wanted to find his home and was insistent about it beacause this wasn't his house. So, we would get in the car and drive around for half an hour or so looking for our house. Finally , we woud come back to our driveway and he would declare that "yes, this is it". It was sort of amusing if it hadn't been so frustrating.

Gabriel

I can't imagine either and it breaks my heart. I appreciate your advice and for responding to my message. Good to know you agree with advice given. THANK YOU!

Gabriel

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/231376#Comment_231376

Good to hear other stories. I appreciate you sharing.

Anonymousjpl123

Truthfully I would focus more on getting her settled in AL.

My mom was devastated leaving her home and things. It helps that I now have some of them in my home, so she sees all has not been lost. But truthfully I agree with everyone else. Home is in her mind. My mom misses my dad, her old life, her old mind. It’s heartbreaking. But I have finally found a fanatic memory care and she is thriving. There’s a group of women who have formed a gang of sorts. She has stage 6 dementia and remembers me and other family members and a few friends. She is no longer depressed. She no longer talks of home as in wanting to go back. It is possible to get through this. Teepa snow is amazing.