Awareness and denial in those with A/D

elewis33

My situation is that my mother-in-law has some level of dementia, whether it's early or later stage I have no idea. My wife and I live 3 hours away from my MIL and we visit regularly to try to help support her and the family members that live very nearby, and deal with her every day. Because we are so far away, we don't have the chance to join her for any of her doctor visits, and the family that do care for her are thin on details re: a diagnosis of A/D.

My MIL has many classic symptoms (no short-term memory, asking the same questions over and over and over again, confusion about time, seasons, day of week, etc.). There is little question is our minds that she has A/D. But my question is about her and how much she might be aware of her mental state and if it's even important for her to know?

I assume it's pretty common for the person with A/D to deny it or simply be unaware of it. My MIL seems to be strongly in the denial camp. While most of the family know that she's declining, we have no idea what's happening with her.

I guess the answer is in my question, in that it probably doesn't matter whether she's aware or not. But it seems like it would make some of our conversations easier if we could at least approach the subject with her.

What do people recommend when it comes to this kind of question and the possible discussion with the person with A/D?

Earl

H1235

Welcome, sorry you have to be here. Anosognosia is very common with dementia. It is an inability to recognize their symptoms or even limitations. It definitely complicates things. I think generally caregivers work around their person with dementia and just do what needs to be done. Make what ever excuses are necessary to assure and keep your loved one calm. For example telling a pwd they can’t drive or live alone is probably not going to set well with a pwd. But if the car “breaks down” or if the doctor needs them to spend some time in rehab (assisted living) they may be more accepting. Is your mil living alone? It sounds like it might be to reassess that. I have attached a staging tool that is very helpful.

https://static1.squarespace.com/static/6372d16ea4e02c7ce64425b7/t/63f7b80d80d8aa3e3aa4a47d/1677178894184/DBAT.pdf

elewis33

So glad to know that there's recognition and terminology for everything we're seeing and experiencing. I completed the Lawton IADL based on what we know and observe and she's at 2/8 or 25%. Luckily there are family members that feed her, shop for her and make sure her housekeeping is taken care of, for now.

I know others in the family are worried about her but there's so much reluctance to talk about the "what if" scenarios. I'm more of a planner and would like to see some steps being taken to prepare for the next phase, whatever it might be. But since I'm not immediate family I don't feel it's my place to say what I think should be done with her.

Thanks for your response and comments. I'm joining a local support group, just so I can make some connections with others and discuss this with people that are willing to talk about it.