How to get through the holidays

martylongo

My father passed away from Alzheimer's in July. It's been a rough month since Thanksgiving. I miss having my father around espically around the holidays.

fmb

@martylongo I hear what you're saying. The holidays are frequently difficult for those of us who have lost or are losing loved ones. It seems like everywhere we turn there is a reminder that triggers our grief.

My DH is in late Stage 7 ALZ, and I didn't expect him to live to see Christmas this year. Thanksgiving was always our big holiday, and it was brutal for me, knowing that it would be our last. I failed to make plans for myself beyond seeing DH for a couple of hours over lunch at his ALF, and that was a mistake. I sank into a terrible pity party because I was home alone, not having been invited anywhere else.

For Christmas, I have made specific plans which involve attending Christmas Eve mass, then spending part of Christmas day with DH before coming home and having a special dinner (lasagna, which I will make in advance). I also have deliberately scheduled a number of things for me to do over the next couple of weeks to get me out of the house and around other people in small doses.

If you have holiday gatherings to attend, be kind to yourself. Go, stay for a while, but have a graceful exit planned if it becomes too difficult to stay. Some people find it helps to reminisce with others about their deceased loved ones, others try to stay away from the memories. Create your own small holiday ritual to honor your father's memory.

With my mother in an MCF 1000 miles away with Stage 6 ALZ, my former husband dying this summer, and my current husband inching closer to death, I often feel like I have been grieving forever. It helps me to focus on the blessings I still have, not what I am losing. Still there are days when all I do is cry.

Be gentle with yourself. Respect your body; grief is physical, not just emotional. Take good physical care of yourself, especially in this cold & flu season, stay hydrated and eat and drink in moderation. You need to heal.

Give grace to others, especially when they seem to say all the wrong things. Honor your grief, but also make room in your life for joy. Life will get better. ((hugs))