Wants to go home to his parents

annie51

My DH has asked off and on over the last few months if his parents are alive, and I’ve said no they are not and he’s been fine with that. Over the last couple of weeks, around 6:00 or so, he mentions he needs to go home. I tell him you live here with me so you can just stay here - again he’s been fine with that. Today at dinner time he said he needed to go home to his parents and I fumbled for an answer. They used to live a few miles away from us (not DH’s childhood home). If I come up with a fiblet, should I use the same one day after day as long as it works? Or vary the story to maybe make it more believable? I’m afraid the one thing he will remember will be the fiblet I used the day before. Still trying to work through some new behaviors that are making things so difficult.

SDianeL

I would try the same fib first to see if your DH remembers. If he does just add to the fib or next time try a different one. One suggestion I read was to get him talking about them to recall good memories of them. What does he remember? What foods did his Mom cook that was a favorite, did he spend time with his Dad? Doing what? Then try distraction. Ice cream worked for my DH.

Kat63

With my DH I would just vary what I answered. They use to winter in Florida so I might use I believe they are still in Florida or just left for Florida. I might say it’s late tonight but I talked with them and we will probably see them tomorrow (he will forget so it works) or they are visiting your sister (or brother) right now. Just what ever might work. I always make sure of my tone of voice as I say it as say it like it’s very normal reply such as “well Babe I think they just left for Florida yesterday “. It helps rather than saying it without conviction as he will pick up on your the tone. Hope that makes sense.

Victoriaredux

this may help : How to Respond When Someone Asks for a Deceased Parent or Spouse

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z13LeCCtbQQ&ab_channel=TeepaSnow%27sPositiveApproachtoCare

annie51

Help! He wants to see his parents again. I said they were staying with his sister for a while. He wants to call them to talk to them. I pretended to call his sister and that she didn’t answer - I’ll try again later. Distraction isn’t helping at all. This is very distressing!

annie51

He’s saying things like he can’t remember them, he doesn’t know where they are, he said maybe they’re even dead. I can’t figure out what he’s needing.

sandwichone123

Once you find a fiblet that works, use it until it stops working. Maybe try asking how old they'd be, to see if he's concerned they're dead or if they're suddenly dead? If he really doesn't know, you might try they're in heaven to see if it helps. Maybe some pictures of them, or stories of when he was growing up?