Just venting

HangingIn

I check in here from time to time, although I seldom post.  I’m posting today only to vent a little bit.  I’m frustrated, exhausted, angry, depressed — all the things we all experience now and then.

My poor DH.  I try so hard to keep things light, to laugh and tease the way I always have, to exercise patience (not my best thing, but I’ve had a lot of practice lately so I guess I’ve improved), to tell him often that I love him.  He responds well to those things, but he is so frequently confused, sometimes a little paranoid, and no less frustrated than I am.  In many ways he’s the same person he’s always been — gentle, funny, loving.  The changes, though, are so apparent to me.  

Tomorrow I think I’ll scatter some ornaments on one of the little outside pines.  (We haven’t had an inside holiday tree in several years because our cat would be utterly delighted at the wonderful new plaything.)  We enjoy the little bit of bling in the landscape, and will accept whatever cheer we can find.

Carl46

That sounds like a good idea.

Years ago, my children coated pinecones in peanut butter, rolled them in birdseed, and hung them in the pine tree outside their bedroom window. Birds are a pretty bit of bling too.

Biggles

I’m feeling for you, your description covers our time together, my darling DH is kind, gentle , soft, I try so hard to have fun, we dance to romantic music in the kitchen, we breakfast in the garden with the birds. I put up solar powered lights around one of our lovely trees and every evening the lights automatically turn on ‘bling’ it’s lovely. I try to do everything I can to soften the effects of this awful disease, but sometimes I could scream out loud through frustration; instead I vent on this forum, it’s such a relief to just say what I’m feeling to a whole group of wonderful people who understand.

Mfreres

I’m frustrated, exhausted and angry as well. My DH is the one with dementia. He’s not soft or sweet. He’s not “mean”, or abusive, he’s just nothing. I see him choose to not engage. I know he’s struggling with his disease and I know he’s scared. But he uses it as a crutch to do nothing. I try to involve him in activities, take him places or to just have conversation. He chooses to just sit. Yes he has difficulties and his cognitive abilities are really slipping but he refuses to do anything to help himself. He tells me all the time that I don’t know what it’s like to have this disease but he doesn’t know what it’s like to live with someone with this disease. I constantly feel deflated.

BPS

My wife also just there. I don't try to have real conversations with her anymore. I just tell her anything I can think of just to not sit in silence. I try not to ask questions because she don't know the answers and then says that she is stupid. I blame everything on a stroke she had 9 months ago that way I can encourage her to keep exercising and working to get "better". I try to give her something to look forward to even though she really don't understand. It helps for the moment. The stroke was 9 months ago and she thinks it was a couple of weeks ago.

terei

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/232176#Comment_232176

A big part of the disease is apathy. It is very possible he is not ‘choosing’ to disengage…his mind is no longer capable of making decisions about much of anything.

dayn2nite2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/232176#Comment_232176

Unfortunately, it's not really a "crutch" - he has lost the ability to initiate or sustain any activity, which is part of this disease. He probably has or will soon be losing the ability to initiate a conversation except for the most pressing of needs, too.

CindyBum

Apathy is definitely a component of this disease. My former ball of fire sits and does absolutely nothing most of the day…for years now. If I can get her out for a walk, it’s a victory.

The one thing she will do is wander around the house “cleaning”, which means she brings things to me asking me to put them away. It is driving me absolutely insane.

jehjeh

My hubby also sits doing basically nothing all day. He might watch a little TV or talk on the phone. He, too, helps around here by pointing out things I need to clean or put away. It's usually framed as "can we get that coffee table cleared off". At the end of the day he'll tell me he feels better now that he's getting some things done around here. And yes, it's driving me crazy too.

Grandot

This site is such a help to me. It helps me understand I’m not the only one frustrated. My DH can seem so normal when others are around but doesn’t initiate anything when we are alone. He also sits much of the day but can still play golf. He actions are such a paradox. He was so frustrated with our coffee pot (the problem being he didn’t remember how to use it) so I bought us a new one for Christmas. Very simple to work. This afternoon he had the old one out again making coffee. It is 7:00 pm and he has shut down the house and wants us to go to bed ( after his long nap this afternoon)! Thanks for letting me vent.