It’s not all black-and-white

Elaine2

We are still in the early stage of all this. When I give clear instructions that he seems to understand I go over it again, but then when he acts on it he either has forgotten the instructions or he just determines to do his own thing. So the next day, we had somewhere to go. I gave him clearance instructions, but I didn’t repeat the instructions the second time and the end result was the same. He either forgot or did his own way. He said he decided to go into the building, but he didn’t tell me and I looked all over for him . I analyze out what the reason is that he made the decisions he did then I get angry. But I guess I need to realize there’s probably not a black and white answer. I just need to roll with it making the best of each day and situation. This is gonna be hard for him as well as for me , and I keep trying to remind myself that he’s having to deal with things in his mind that he’s not telling me about as well. All this to say is that I just needed a listening ear and had to vent to people that understand.

blacksparky

I’m in the same situation as you are. My DW needs constant instructions on just about everything and she says she understands but then she forgets and I have to repeat the instructions again. As I try to let her do things on her own, most times I have to fix or clean up the mess, like making coffee on the Kerug and forgetting to put her cup under, or trying to cook. I know it’s early in the stages and I hope I have the strength to make it through the later stages. Day at a time. 🥹🤔

midge333

You will come to learn that he can no longer remember and execute multiple step instructions. He is not being difficult - it is the disease.

Iris L.

Stop instructing. PWD can't remember.

Iris

CindyBum

He can't really follow instructions, as others say. But, he may want to help, so maybe try tasks that a toddler could do.

Russinator

Elaine, I could have written your post (it's the same way with my DW).

Carl46

I can't tell DW to take off her watch and ring, because that's too much to remember. I tell her take off the watch and watch her do it. Then I tell her to take off the ring. You'll get used to it, but you won't learn to like it.

trottingalong

Iris said it perfectly..

SDianeL

2 things. They don’t remember and they can’t reason. So telling them things won’t help. They cannot make a conscious decision. They are like toddlers. They just act or react. They have no idea of consequences. They are not arguing. They just no longer understand the what or why. One of the first statements I read here that helped me understand is “you can’t reason with someone whose ‘reasoner’ is broken” So sorry you and your family are going through this.