Nursing home time for Mom after hip surgery, doc says it is time, 2 Siblings not on board.

DahliaFlower

Mom just broke her hip and had surgery last Friday. Will need to go to nursing home for recovery. Then, doc says it is time for nursing home permanently. For the last 5 years she has had a caregiver in her home 24/7. Mom has mobility problems even before the fall and she has been in a wheelchair most of the time. She has major memory problems and can maybe get a word or two out at times. The doc says it would take 2 caregivers full time and says the nursing home would be a better place for her. We have a couple brothers that think she could still go back home when actually they are in denial about our Mom. One of the brothers is kind of a bully and he thinks his way is THE Way. How do we try to convince him that living at home is not the best for Mom? I think there is going to be some major disagreements over this. Even though my sister is the Medical POA. Any thoughts/comments/suggestions. It is bad enough to see our Mom this way .. let alone fighting with siblings!!

Victoriaredux

The Doctor's advise, which your medical POA sister is following ,should be the only agreement needed. I'd suggest HCPOA sister just handle it by saying as of this date , on Doctor's orders, Mom is at this location for the best care.

Won't that actually be less expensive for the family anyway? Won't the nursing home be picked up by her insurance - if her stay looks to exceed the time the insurance will cover - did the financial DPOA sibling discuss and prepare her finances with an elder law attorney for medicaid availability ?

Pure guess -some siblings are worried about a nursing home "taking Mom's home" and messing up inheritance. The elder law atty can advise if things can still be structured to financially minimize that but your Mom's care is most important.

The attorney can also review end of life decisions that may need to be made by your HCPOA sister at some point if your Mom didn't already express those wishes in a document — ventilator? feeding tube? Getting those issues clarified now will save stress and heartache ,and maybe legal costs, if you end up in court to undo something the hospital did because they had no directions because your family wanted to do a poll first.

I'm sorry about your Mom but having nursing staff around should provide her with much better care than you can have in her home. ER trips would be upsetting if her recovery hits snags .

H1235

Some siblings just don’t get it, or are unwilling to accept reality. I know from experience. I assume your brothers knows that is what the doctor has recommended. Have they actually talked to the doctor, would that help? You and your sister have enough to worry about, if they don’t get it, that’s on them. You and your sister need to do what is best for your mom and recommend by the doctor. Hopefully your brothers will eventually come around (I have found my brother usually does, but only after causing me a lot of grief). Keep in mind you will probably still need to work together to go through your moms house which is very overwhelming and may cause even more disagreements. Caring for a parent can really cause a lot of families problems. Good luck, your not alone.