Small Blessings

CindyBum

Well, I lost the young woman who has been cleaning our house. Big bummer. She gave me an entire day at work knowing my DW had eyes on her while that gal cleaned, did laundry and stacked wood for me. I will miss her help, no question. But, them's the breaks and I know that's how it goes with any type of extra help.

I used it as a plea to my wife to let me hire the other woman I was going to add in. Told my wife how stressed I was with losing our cleaner, that I really needed the help of this other woman and she agreed to have her in the house two days a week. So, lost something, gained something else, I hope. We'll see how it goes with this other woman and if she works out.

I am now fully in the stage of needed to coordinate help as much as I can get. I hope this one works out, but if not, I'll have to keep looking. I'm not ready to place my DW, but if I don't find some solution, I can already feel myself crumbling under the weight of all this and worry for my own mental health.

annie51

Good luck! I hope and pray this works out for you.

cdgbdr

Best wishes. I am in much the same boat. I'm so grateful for the help I have.

Victoriaredux

There is no reason to run yourself down as far as possible before changing things around.

Begging someone for help, whose disease causes , in many people, a lack of empathy, memory and understanding is not a good place to be. If your DW "changes" her mind don't take it as you aren't worthy of help. You are.

Who will care for you both if you crumble? Please take care.

Jgirl57

sending good vibes that the “new” help works .

Biggles

Sending best wishes and fingers crossed the new help works out.

trottingalong

I sure hope the new help works out. We are put in such difficult positions navigating all this.

JoseyWales

I hope the new help works out. I found that adding people to help keep eyes on DH as he declined became easier as he accepted the first person, then added others. I hope it's just as easy for you.

CindyBum

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/232967#Comment_232967

Your comment about me being worth it really hit me. I so appreciate it. I found as I have been gearing up for weeks to do this and to stand up for my own health that I’ve become more distant and resentful toward my DW. Stepping to a more objective view of that behavior, I can see that it was me providing cover to my own health needs by getting angry about those needs.

Totally unhelpful. My DW started asking if I was leaving her and what was wrong. She sensed my stuff before I did, which is kind of amazing at this stage.

I’m now reminding myself I am worth it and don’t need to be angry or hard to give that to myself.

Thank you!

harshedbuzz

@CindyBum

Emotional intelligence persists well into the progression of the disease. It's why best practices is to always greet your LO with a calm and affectionate facade even if you're not feeling it.

That said, the best thing you can do for your DW is to take whatever help and respite you need to remain up to the task of caregiving. Perhaps your DW would be more accepting if you presented cleaners and companion-carers as a social visit rather than help.

HB

__Dolly__

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/71673/small-blessings

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/71673/small-blessings

Hi! Please take care of yourself too and always remember that your DW is very lucky to have you in her life. I’m trying my best to keep my DH at home and my parents watch over him and take him to concerts and restaurants while I work. I already cut down my work days from 5 to 2 (I work only on weekends) and I hope you get breaks for yourself. You matter too. Sending you a hug from Chicago.