Confabulation of cheating

therocklady

My boyfriend has confabulated a story that is getting more elaborate every time he brings it up. He truly believes that I cheated on him with one of my roommates, while he was living in the same house. He now brought up that I said his name in my sleep the other night. I am at a loss as he hasn't been diagnosed with anything other than "brain deterioration". I refuse to admit I did something I didn't do. Its impossible to debate the allegation of saying another man's name in my sleep, but I know I have no reason to say this guys name. I gave him an ultimatum to seek professional help or lose me and our business partnership.

The business we are trying to build is a dream that we share. Now I don't feel he's capable of following through, and I'm not sure I should put anymore energy into it or the book we are writing. I've already completely poured my heart and energy into someone and something that I don't think is even real. I'm so hurt and confused. Please advise.

Audrey22

Oh so hard - I have experience of stories that I don't think are "real" but nothing like this.

I wonder if you can get him to another doctor for a better diagnosis or talk to your own doctor?

BPS

For some and maybe most delusions it is best to just go along but my wife has delusions of me cheating and I can't go along to get along with this one either. The only things that has worked for me is to say that is not true and leave the room for a while and by time I come back she has forgotten that she said that. If I can't leave the room I tell her that I wish she would not say that because it reminds me of her cheating on me, which she did. That makes her mad enough with no rescores that she stops talking to me at all for a while then after a while I can bring up a different subject and she seems to have forgotten what she said for a while. These accusations have been going on for about 2 years, not every day but enough to make things difficult (not always with the same person, it depends on who is around). She is now on medication for it and she is less intense, but they haven't gone away. The important part if he is your boyfriend and there are no legal ties is that even with medication they haven't gone away. I don't know if other have had different experiences and I hope other will say because I too would like to know if it ever stops. If I knew then what I know now I wouldn't be married. I believe a marriage has to be built on trust and if he doesn't trust you now he probably won't trust you later. Sorry.

SDianeL

brain deterioration or white matter disease can be another term for cognitive decline or dementia. Did you hear the doctor give him the diagnosis or are you repeating what your boyfriend told you? Let’s assume he has dementia. He’s having delusions not confabulations. If he has dementia it does no good to argue with him. It will only agitate him more. You can’t reason with someone with memory loss. It’s his reality. The best advice from expert caregivers is to say you’re sorry he feels that way and promise to never do it again. You can also try distraction and redirection. If you don’t have a DPOA and medical POA you won’t be able to help him and if the diagnosis is dementia he will need help soon. Sorry but you have some tough decisions to make. I would talk to an attorney.

Iris L.

You cannot "try to build" a business with someone who has brain deterioration. There are a few "girlfriend" threads on this board. Being a full-time caregiver is time and energy intensive. Think hard if you are willing to become. Usually the girlfriend has to push whatever family is around to get involved.

It will help you to learn about anosognosia, which means the PWD is not aware of having dementia or brain deterioration.

Iris

mrsdee13

I am sorry you are dealing with this. I agree; I don't think you can build a business with someone with cognitive decline. Maybe you can take comfort in yourself knowing that you both had this dream and tried all you could to bring it to fruition. Hopefully, you're at a point where you can move on in a different direction.
Best wishes to you.