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Takingcareofmom4625

I am an only child. My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last Friday. I'm not sure how to feel or react still. I am trying to get her with me. That's what the dr has suggested. I live in an apartment. I'm doing my best to buy a home to bring her to. It's heartbreaking. But..I'm doing all I can.

--Rebecca--

I'm so sorry. Home buying is stressful. Learning about this diagnosis is stressful. It will take some time to process all of this. Hugs to you and your mom.

mabelgirl

Sorry that your mom has been diagnosed and you as an only child to ensure her care. It’s a very stressful disease on the family. Please don’t rush in to anything. Educate yourself on what may happen down the road. Take a good honest stock of yourself and your life. Get all the legalities in order now (ie .. DPOA , financials, etc) Then decide what is the best route for us as a family where mom will be safe and cared for and the family can enjoy the moments left with her. It’s called the long good bye for a reason and it’s painful as well as slow. There is a lot of good information on this site so I encourage to search and read on others experiences. Prayers for wisdom and comfort.

Takingcareofmom4625

Thank you so much.

Takingcareofmom4625

My mom lives in DC and I live in Virginia. For the past few months, my husband and I, have traveling back and forth. I am a special education teacher. I was made to take off from work without pay (all my PTO was used up) to get things straight to bring her with us. It's been a struggle..emotionally, mentally, and financially. Thank God for this community

--Rebecca--

mabelgirl offers good advice. The best path forward might not be buying a home just yet. Getting an understanding of your mom's medical, legal and financial docs will take a while. Getting added as POA will be critical, and running up to speed as an administrator will require some focus.

Downsizing a senior's belongings is stressful, even if dementia isn’t involved. Look for a maintenance free home for you two to enjoy. A condo or apartment will require less work on your part. It is hard to work full time, tend to your mom, her appointments and finances and maintain a home.

v3

As suggested above, read read read about the way the disease can progress— if you need to keep working realize she won't be able to be left alone at some point . There are options - adult day care, placement, caregivers in your home but each family is unique. Aggression, wandering, incontinence ,sleep disturbances, can impact when that day arrives . ,

Financially this is atom bomb level so seeing an elder law attorney to get the documents you'll need to manage her affairs and to explore medicaid [long term not income based] is important. Once you understand the options you can plan. Sorry this happened in your family.

aljo75

Something I’ve learned (well, am still trying to learn) is that there is rarely a “right” answer when it comes to caring for an Alzheimer’s parent. Just the fact that you care enough to reach out to a community like this and try to find a reasonable path for you and your mom says volumes about who you are and where your heart is. I am also an only child helping my mom through this journey. It can be exhausting, and sometimes it seems like a marathon and I wonder if I’ll be able to keep going. Just breathe and know that you are doing your best. That is all any of us can do.

This past year I treated myself to the Brother P-Touch label maker. It interacts with an app on your phone or tablet if you have one. It has made a HUGE difference in my mom’s life in terms of all the large labels we have on everything in her apartment… true… you could just use tape and a marker… but the clear crisp fonts we use and the neatness of the labels just seems to make everything easy and comforting for her. She now rarely confuses her remotes with her phone handsets!

Another thing I do is keep a digital photo album of all of her prescription bottles, all of her insurance cards, and even all of her remotes, phone handsets, the back of her TV… anything she might have a question about when I’m not there. That way, when she calls me, I can look at a picture of what she’s trying to describe and often (not always!) talk her through it.

Just keep going - you’re probably doing a better job than you give yourself credit for!

--Rebecca--

Takingcareofmom4625 I'm in Virginia near Midlothian, and the Alzheimers Society support group there was helpful for me. Meetings are great places to learn about local resources. Some meetings are virtual. Maybe you can try one in the summer. I'm glad your husband is able to help you.

It might take a year or longer for your mom to get into see a neurologist for an initial appt. If you think she will move in with or near you, go ahead and pick a Virginia neurologist and make an appointment for her. [Meanwhile get added as medical POA if you aren't already, so you can manage her medical appointments]. It's ok to schedule her neurologist appointment for summer 2026, to accomodate your teacher's schedule. She will have other annual appointments, and summer will be an easier for booking them (assuming you are not on year round school).

I've not found neurologist appointments to be helpful. I'm glad I took my dad to his appointments, and we did our due diligence. It is ok if other people don't agree with me, or if they had a different experience. I'm telling you this, in case you need to fill in a period of time with primary physician care only, that's ok, too. Try to find a primary care doctor that has experience in geriatric care.

sandwichone123

I would rarely recommend moving a pwd in with adults that need to continue working. If living in their own home is no longer working, it may be better to make the decision to place in a facility that can care for them moving forward. A pwd is incredibly stressful for everyone in the home, and that stress increases over time.

Most physicians do not have expertise regarding the day-to-day care of pwd. Their expertise is in medicine, but they may make lifestyle recommendations based not on current information but on their own biases and often decades-old experiences. I would not take that as a particularly meaningful recommendation.

Remember that sacrificing your own life for hers will not increase her health and often will not actually make her any happier. When the pwd lives with you, it means you are the one enforcing all the aspects of reality that they are resisting, which can be very hard on the relationship.

jehjeh

I second what sandwichone123 has posted. Our family relied on my father's pcp for advice and kept him at home much longer than we should have. It was only later that I realized he was concerned with what he thought was in my dad's best interest, never taking into account that my mother was killing herself trying to keep him at home. Once we moved him to memory care they both got much better care and both were happier. It's not selfish to consider how much you can take on. If it becomes too much for you, you can't be there for your mom the way you would like to be. I wonder if having her live closer but not with you might be an option?

Just one more thing to consider. I'm sorry you are going through this but glad you found this site.

mrsabaldwin

Only child here too. My brother passed in 1989. My dad passed in 2005. It is a scary time with the initial diagnosis and shock. There are great posts here to help. What I did was type subjects in the search bar and even if the posts were old, they were informative and helped me feel less alone.

H1235

If she will be left alone in the apartment while you and your husband are working I would keep a very close eye on things. That arrangement will not work for long and then she would need to be moved again to Al. You may want to consider just one move to AL or a temporary stay with you while you find a place. Gas stove, stairs, the chance to wander, etc. can all be potential problems in a home/apartment setting with no supervision. The plan, in my opinion, should be to move her BEFORE these things become an issue and that can be tricky ( it’s kind of hard to see into the future). Good luck.