Excessive Talking/ Social Cues

MobbyGirl

I am still waiting for the doctors appt. to try and get a diagnosis. My question my DH is totally clueless when it comes to social cues. He doesn’t know when people are wanting to speak, or wanting him to stop speaking. Another behavior I notice is excessive talking. I mean excessive, he will call someone and talk continually almost without catching a breath for an hour sometimes two. These are family members so I think they tolerate the call. Of course they never call him. Is this behavior unique to DH or is this a symptom of the cognitive decline?

cdgbdr

My DH is similar.

Jgirl57

For many this is common . My HWD/Alz had gotten so bad, his phone became “lost” and I have never replaced it . I also had to start curbside shopping because shopping was becoming unbearable. I had tried for him to have other social contact but that became hard as well. ( we no longer attend events for the grandchildren) He also “ chatters” excessively during Tv watching .When we increased the Zoloft ( sertraline) to 100, that helped a bit. Hang in there Mobbygirl.

KathyF1

My DH did exactly the same thing. Incessant talking. No clue that others were irritated, bored ( or didn’t care?) Embarrassing. At the time I did not know what was wrong. I think some lose their social filters before they lose their memory.

KathyF1

Mobbygirl, can I ask- was your husband always a “talker” and it’s just worse lately? Or is this a brand new behavior? The reason I ask- my husband showed signs of this when we met/married 15 years ago. At the time it wasn’t a concern to me but it got worse along with delusions, and just odd behavior. Then I knew something was wrong. It makes me feel like I never really knew him, that his Alzheimer’s was coming on at the time we met.

SDianeL

Very common. Initially, when someone with dementia interrupts others it’s because they are afraid they won’t remember what they wanted to say. They are not being rude and it has little to do with social filters. Later the chattering begins. That’s because they are anxious. Anxiety causes the constant talking. My DH did it while riding in the car. You can Google chattering by dementia patients and learn more. If you haven’t done so, please read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which really helped me after my husbands diagnosis. Also Tam Cummings videos are excellent. Another helpful thing: have cards made up to quietly give to people who don’t know about a dementia diagnosis.

JDancer

So many people think dementia is just memory loss. As your post illustrates, it's so much more

MobbyGirl

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/233426#Comment_233426

We have been married 45 years. He was always social and liked to have a good conversation, but not like what I see now. It is definitely a new and increasingly worse behavior.

michiganpat

My husband was always friendly and a talker. He has taken it to a new level. He talk, talk, talks now. When he used to go to the grocery store with me after, dementia appeared, (he won't leave the house now except church and dr appointments) he would initiate conversations with other shoppers who he didn't know. He had an appointment at an urgent care last year. Another man was in the waiting room and seriously overweight. My DH said to him "you must play football for some team" referring to his size. The poor man gave him a look and just said "no". I mentioned in the car later that he might ask that to the wrong person sometime and he said "it was just in fun". He has no social filter. So yes, excessive talking can be a symptom.

MobbyGirl

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/233435#Comment_233435

I really appreciate your response. What are the "cards" you mentioned? What is written on the "cards"? Can I order "cards" or do I make my own 3x5 cards saying, "Please don't be offended my DH has been diagnosed with declining cognitive ability."? I am still trying to figure out when to tell people that have know us for a long time (or short time) that he has a mental decline. I know people notice, but are not saying anything. When to tell others, and how to tell others?

Belle

My DH likes to interrupt people to tell 'jokes'. During his recent neuropsychiatric testing the doctor noted that he was continually interrupting the person trying to administer the test as they were giving instructions to him. Even 5 years ago he was inserting himself into other people's conversations in the grocery store before I suspected there was even an issue.

BrownB1996

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/233538#Comment_233538

You can make them business card size, so they are easier to conceal/carry. It would make it easier to buy in bulk and someone else can make them for you. I have heard this from other caregivers, and it has worked well!

An example of what to write could be: "Hello, my name is (insert your name) and my husband's name is (insert his name) and he has been diagnosed with (cognitive impairment, Alzheimer's, dementia, whichever term you feel comfortable using). He has difficulty understanding social cues and may continue to talk for extended periods of time. I appreciate your patience and kindness while we are navigating this complicated disease."

BrownB1996

As for when and how to tell others, it may be best to do it privately and directly, so as not to upset your loved one and protect him from how they may react. It's important to know that there are people who will understand 100% and be there to support you, there will be people who understand but may choose to stay away (and it may not be to intentionally hurt you or abandon you; it could be simply because they are not sure how to approach the topic), and there will be people who are in total denial that this is even happening or are very judgmental about the decisions you are making. It is very critical that you invest your time and energy into the relationships that bring you comfort and support and leave the negative people where they are. You can try sharing the resources you have found helpful on this website with the people who are there to support you, so they can be just as knowledgeable as you are.

WIGO23

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/233538#Comment_233538

IMG_2403.jpeg

I got a nice set “Hello,…. cards on ETSY for a reasonable price.

debriesea

I made a single card, credit card size, and wrote on it ALZHEIMER’S. I keep it behind my credit card in my iphone wallet. I can casually pull it out and show it behind my wallet, away from my DH, so others can see it and glance at it quickly without making my DH suspiciuos. I haven’t had to use it yet but was prompted to make one when I had a situation with a cashier in a sporting goods store. When paying, my DH said, “she pays”. The male cashier said, “We know who wears the pants in this family!”.

I initially made one that said “He has ALZHEIMER’S. Please be patient.Thank you.”

I tried it out on a few family members and it was clear their attention was on the card too long while reading it all. They all agreed that just the word would be sufficient.
I also made sure my fingers wouldn’t be covering any letters while holding it, as happened with the first card I made.

I could have used it once since but completely forgot about using it at the time. I was too caught up on what he was confabulating!

harshedbuzz

@MobbyGirl

You've gotten some good advice about being out in public with your DH. I would urge you to take steps to rein in his behavior with friends and family. People will stop answering your calls and you may find yourselves isolated. Keeping someone on the phone while dominating the conversation for an hour or more is abusive. I can appreciate that it's a break for you, but it would be best of you found a way to redirect this. If it's a landline, perhaps you could invent a need to make an urgent call. If it's a cellphone, maybe you need to disappear it or remove the contacts to tamp down this behavior.

Dad's lack of social filter burned through social groups in 3 different states while mom was in denial. Dominating conversations, not reading his audience, interrupting, scripted repetitions of offensive material were his stock and trade.

HB

MobbyGirl

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/233601#Comment_233601

Thank you for your advice. It is hard. I think I have some denial too.

jehjeh

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/233698#Comment_233698

My DH is doing the same thing with friends on the phone. Fortunately, we have a group who understands and if they have time will listen for a good long time. I suspect they are half listening while doing something else. Sometimes I realize he's doing all the talking and I'll prompt him. I'll say, how was their Christmas? How are their grandchildren? Something like that. He'll repeat it to them and at least they get to talk for a bit. He's OK when they say they have to go. I think they just don't answer if they don't have much time.

Hope you have some friends like that.

AlzWife2023

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/233698#Comment_233698

My neighbor’s boyfriend acts like this. She complains and fights with him daily. I’ve tried to explain to her that he OBVIOUSLY has undiagnosed dementia (I know b/c my DH has Alz and I can see all the signs in her BF). She doesn’t understand. She says he knows he has memory issues. Meanwhile he talks a bunch of nonsense to EVERYONE including interrupting EMT workers etc. and confabulates so outrageously & gives TMI. Neighbor confirmed that these TMI stories he laid on me & my family weren’t true, such as “I got a vasectomy when I was 18”…the first thing he ever said to us. He has also gotten lost driving alone twice—once for eight hours and another time for ten hours. She still lets him drive. He doesn’t know how to use his cell phone.

Basically, he’s turned her daughter and grandchildren off to the point where they can’t be in the same room so my neighbor visits her daughter at daughter’s house only. This limits their relationship.

I am in the process of toning down our friendship b/c this man was so aggressive toward me recently and slammed the door in my face when I dropped off some flowers for my friend. It becomes abusive behavior b/c he’s cutting her off and she’s engaging in daily fights with him (that she likened to being an addict). She just doesn’t understand that there’s no reasoning with him. Sorry for the rant.

My own husband is full of confusion and confabulation but he hasn’t been very insulting nor aggressive. He will talk about people in restaurants who are within earshot and he does this in waiting rooms so that makes taking him anywhere a lot less fun. He definitely used to talk over and interrupt and demonstrate “no social skills” among close family. He’s gotten quieter (stage 5 to 6 progression, I think). He doesn’t really socialize outside of family & when he does, he’s quiet—which is true to his personality but could also be b/c he’s not following who’s who & what’s what nor the conversations themselves.

Hopefully your DH will tone it down rather than ramp it up. Good luck! Peace ❤️