early onset dementia and memory care

midge333

My wife is 69 years old and has early onset (56 years old) vascular dementia. I placed her in memory care early last month. Her biggest complaint is that all the residents are older and more impaired than she is. Most of the other residents are late 70s and early 80s. Some are in the very late stages but many are not. My wife's complaint about everyone else being more impaired than her is likely because of her anosognosia. Has anyone else heard this complaint from their spouses with early onset dementia?

harshedbuzz

@midge333

I think you nailed it when you ascribed it to anosognosia.

My dad always commented on how impaired and/or "crazy" the other residents were. He also complained about being surrounded by old people. He was 84 at the time but mentally was hanging out in the late 1970s. Lord only knows what he saw when he looked in the mirror.

HB

Belle

Not exactly the same situation but DH had a family member in their 70's who had alzheimer's and was in a local ALF. One day when I was visiting we were sitting in the cafe near the front door and residents were leaving with family members. Our LO's comment was that they enjoyed sitting there watching all the elderly people walk by. Everyone they were commenting on was around the same age as our LO. I think those type of comments are normal for someone with dementia no matter how young/old they may be.

fmb

My mother maintained that she "still had all her marbles" and that all the other residents in her ALF had dementia right up until she had to be transferred to the MCF. She has anosognosia and could showtime very convincingly.

Russinator

I agree - it sounds like anosognosia

Dio

The reality is that most dementia patients in a facility are not the Early Onset ones. My DH is the youngest in his facility. Too bad there aren't memory care facilities for younger patients. Interestingly, it's not my DH who complains but his friends who visit him about the disparity in age. My DH was 62 when placed. The cutoff age was 60…he barely qualified. The facility did not accept anyone younger than 60 for the very reason that care for a younger dementia patient is different from an elder one.

sandwichone123

My dh was placed shortly after his 60th birthday. At first he could only see "all those old people," but as he got to know individuals he was less focused on their outward appearance and more focused on who they were. I think he was still able to build relationships more effectively at that time than he might be able to now.

Dunno

My wife hasn’t mentioned the age difference, but at first, I was concerned that she might feel confused by it. However, I think the facility’s daily routine and the attention from the staff help her feel comfortable and secure. I should add that she’s well past early stage and likely in late stage 6. Hopefully this won’t be too much of a problem for your wife and this phase will pass soon 👍

GothicGremlin

My sister was 62 when I placed her in memory care and she had the same issue - everyone was much older than her. It bothered her for awhile, but as she acclimated, and then further declined, she stopped noticing the age difference. And later still, she referred to all of the female residents as "the girls." None of those "girls" were any younger than 70.

MN Chickadee

My mom had early onset and we moved her to memory care when she was about 70. She also looked younger than that; her body was in great shape, she was active and she never got gray hair so she really stood out in the facility. She complained about all the "old people" a lot at first. I think in her mind she was much younger than 70. But with time she adjusted and seemed to forget about it, or not notice. We said she was there to get stronger, like rehab, and could leave when the doctor cleared her. Not making it seem permanent helped with the transition and eventually she forgot all these details and it just became her home. Hopefully with time your wife adjusts and stops complaining about this. A month isn't real long in terms of the adjustment so give it time.

midge333

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. I do think that my DW thinks she is much younger than she is. She appears to have lost the last decade