Recently Widowed Dad With Mild Dementia

scostc45

Hey Folks,

I'm new to the forum. It was recommended to me by a help line here in Michigan. My dad has had 2 strokes within the past 10 years and this has resulted in some mild dementia. It comes and goes, but he's usually fairly sharp. It manifests itself in strange ways like hygiene, eating mannerisms and a bit of hoarding. Some lack of recognition around time and urgency as well. I recently moved him into a home closer to me because I'm an only child and getting out there to help take care of him was really hard as an only child with a full time job and 2 young kids. It's a senior living facility and he has an aid coming about 5 hours a day. She is great but he struggles with her because she represents his ever growing lack of independence and she won't just do what he says.

I'm having a problem with some of the other residents in the home. He struggles wtih swallowing and when he eats the food can tend to get into his esophagus and he makes a fairly upsetting sound to get it out. I'm doing my best to get him back with a swallowing coach because he had this problem before and they seemed to help. However I have to make an appointment with his primary physician and then get in with a specialist and all of these medical things take forever and I feel like I've taken on a second job with a third kid I have to project manage. But in the mean none of the other residents will let him sit at their table and are complaining to the staff that they think he's sick because it sounds like a cough. They're also telling him to chew with his mouth closed and someone came by and told him that he's closing his door to loudly. I feel like I'm dealing with a elementary school bullying situation. I'm talking to the person who runs the home tomorrow but I'm also just afraid if I yell at the people responsible to be more sensitive, it will just build further resentment.

Any advice?

Quilting brings calm

You refer to the facility as senior living. There are different categories. ‘Over 55’ - which is basically being at home with a clubhouse. Independent living - has a few extra amenities, housekeeping. Some activities and maybe a dining hall. Assisted living, memory care, skilled nursing.

You are correct that elderly residents can bully others. Especially if they perceive someone to have dementia- It sounds to me that he’s not in the right level of care. The symptoms you describe indicate that he should’ve in assisted living- although whatever the hygiene issue is could put him in memory care.

As for the swallowing - this is a major issue due to the aspiration risk. If there is a nurse on staff, ask her to get involved. If there is not a nurse on staff at least on weekdays- that’s another sign he might not be in the right level of care.