Dad is new to community and NOT going well HELP!!

D#1

My dad was moved to MC. We are moving him to a closer community that has residents at his level - walkies-talkies. But he is having a hard time adjusting. He is not eating and tells us he wants to come home. He ended up in MC bc he left to find the bus to take him home. He is not drinking his cranberry juice, eating meals or getting out of bed. That's not like him. We go every day, encourage him to get up, sit with him when he eats. He went from independent at home - where he fell and landed him in assisted that turned to MC bc of confusion. We are trying melatonin to help him sleep. He doesn't want to be there but what do we do?

terei

Tell him he has to stay on Dr ‘s orders till he is ‘better’. Repeat, repeat, repeat. MC staff should be getting him up out of bed if he is capable & escorting him to meals also. Many LOs ‘don’t want to be there’. It is the safest place for him to be under the circumstances. You didn’t say how long he has been in MC. Some PWD take weeks or even months to acclimate.

It is not possible to ‘fix’ everything. We can just do what we can.

mabelgirl

My mom is always saying she wants to go back to VA. (We are in FL). It doesn’t matter where she lives she will always say she wants to be some other place. I’m convinced it’s not a place they are wanting to return to but a state of mind, one not as confused as what they are dealing with. We divert her attention when the litany begins. My mom also had a noticeable decline and started to not eat or drink which has resulted in 2 hospitalizations within 2 months. I’ve read this is common in dementia patients and I’m fairly certain there are a lot of posts here on that topic. I think when we see our LO in these states we tend to attribute to a more “normal” explanation not one based on the disease going on. It’s tricky for sure! If your dad’s behavior is all of a sudden then have him checked for other underlying medical issue like a UTI. Prayers for peace and acceptance.

Anonymousjpl123

how long has dad been in MC? I know it’s really painful to see, but sometimes truly the adjustment takes time. When mom and I walked into her current MC she literally said “I’m not staying here” and begged me to take her home. It was awful. It took about 3 weeks, but he did adjust. Now, she truly feels at home there. I am able to take her out weekly and she is always ready to go back. But it took time.

I hope that your dad can get meals. Have you talked to staff? In my experience as our LO move to higher care, like MC, communication with staff is key.

@mabelgirl is right, too - we tend to attribute things to the environment (AL, MC) that may just be part of the disease progressing. I would talk to staff: this will help you understand better what is going on, what they are seeing, and what they recommend.

psg712

Staff observations are valuable. They are there at all times of day and they really get a sense of each resident's abilities and daily patterns of behavior.

Victoriaredux

"He is not drinking his cranberry juice, eating meals or getting out of bed. That's not like him." Sadly, it is a progressive disease . That may be the new him .

He's been through the fall, and two moves with another pending? Home- AL-MC1-MC 2?

That is a lot of visual stimulation and change for him to process. What does the staff think if you cut back on the visits a bit or when you go just kind of sit and not try to get him to be more active. Change is hard. And as said above, it can take time and he may never "like" it. But he is in a safer situation.