Secrets

H1235

Mom is in AL. She worries about everything! She is probably towards the end of stage 4. She is a bit difficult than most here since her memory is still good. She lacks good judgment, bad anosognosia, and lack of empathy. My adult daughter has been sick since Christmas and just got home from an intensive care hospital stay. It was very scary and I was very busy taking care of her two boys while her husband stayed at the hospital with her. I didn’t tell mom because she doesn’t need anything more to worry about. My daughter posted on facebook and my mom’s brother saw it and asked mom how my daughter was doing. Mom is furious I didn’t tell her. My uncle is a good guy, but I don’t think he understands how much mom worries and how this will stress her. He is almost 90. I think he would be very uncomfortable with keeping things from mom even if I had thought to ask him to keep it from her. When I called her the whole conversation quickly turned into a rant about how I never tell her anything and she has no idea why I won’t take her to her house. She says for all she knows it could be burnt to the ground. She is a hoarder a visit to her house is not an option because she will want to bring everything back to AL with her, we are preparing for an estate sale (she doesn’t know about) and she wants to be in charge of everything related to the house. My brother tells her about every bump in his life. He needs a new furnace, car problems, .. then she tells me how worried she is about him, full of sympathy. I don’t want to do that to her. But it seems not telling her isn’t working real well either. I can’t seem to do anything right.

Quilting brings calm

I quit telling my mom things too because of her anxiety. Her anxiety was one of the biggest problems with her having dementia. The numerous phone calls, the crying. The trial and error on medications…we never did get it to a good spot.

Five years later Mom got herself so worked up about being accepted to hospice that she quit eating …

I believe you are doing everything right. However mom is never going to agree that it’s the right thing. All you can do about that is stick to your decision to do the things that will keep her safe. It’s not easy