My mom is declining

Jadmyfav06

Hi everyone. My mom is declining now and I am so afraid. I knew eventually this decline would come but I am still struggling so bad with it. She is still awake and eats some. But she is not drinking much, if anything, at all. She doesn't talk or walk anymore. She rarely smiles anymore. She was admitted to hospice 3 months ago. I can see the end is coming but I haven't accepted it yet. She is my best friend and I just still can't fathom her not being here. I don't have a question, I just wanted to express myself about this. I was her caregiver before I had to place her in a nursing facility. I love her soooo much and wish this wasn't happening.

harshedbuzz

@Jadmyfav06

I'm so sorry you've reached this place. It's hard.

I think it's important to recognize that you are still very much her caregiver— you've just created a bigger team for her.

HB

Quilting brings calm

@Jadmyfav06

This phase is very very hard. Having to watch your mom decline over weeks is depressing, stressful … etc. etc. All you can do is what you are doing, you can’t stop it or reverse it. It takes time to even recognize that it’s come to that final phase. At least it did for me - I was sure that first couple of weeks of my mom’s that her severe decline was from willful refusal to eat( due to anxiety about being on hospice). I still think it was. However at some point, she had fallen off the cliff and we weren’t going to get her back.

Please rely on hospice- my mom’s was wonderful. The last 10 days the nurse came every day. Please try to eat and rest yourself. It’s still a marathon, not a sprint. We are here - vent as often as you need.

Mom95

Mom lived in an independent living apartment before 2-weeks in geriatric unit. She's 95 and fiercely independent. She wanted to go back to her apartment but needs more help. Never before used a walker, diapers or needed to be bathed by me. It's hard…and if that wasn't enough there's navigating the healthcare system, the opinions of families and friends (some well-meaning). All say move her in with me & my husband. Easier said than done. We live in a small 2-bedroom home, interpersonal relations are strained, and we value our independence too. OT says hopeful outcome at home. Nurses say SNF for short term rehab.

Needed to vent to those who truly understand.

Victoriaredux

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/234442#Comment_234442

"All say move her in with me & my husband." Is this before or after they suggest you also do your own tire rotation & haircuts? I'd go with the nurse suggestion; at 95 - would give her better oversight .

If OT is pushing their services in your home — they are allowed charge fantastic amounts. Not saying they aren't well educated , trained & caring folks but something seems off when Medicare pays a doctor $300 for a visit, RXs , paperwork etc and PT/OT in the home get thousands for a course of visits. No co-pays so patients aren't likely to complain to Congress.

fmb

@Jadmyfav06

I'm so sorry. It's so hard to watch our loved ones decline, especially near the end. Know that you are not alone; we are here for you. This community and our hospice team have been and still are my lifeline as my DH has now come almost to the very end of his journey. Do take care of yourself. Remember to sleep, eat, and stay hydrated and seek out the comfort of other people. ((hugs))

mabelgirl

Prayers for strength and peace. 🙏🏼

VictoriaA

Sending hugs to you. Such a challenge. We’re here when you need us.