What is the best way to help

TishaB

Hi, My mom was officially diagnosed with dementia last spring. I knew she had it before that. She can still manage on her own… mostly. She is incredibly independent and stubborn, she always has been. I find that all of her good and bad personality traits have become more pronounced. Is that familiar to anyone else?

My issue now is that she needs to move from her home. It's very hard to maintain and she will definitely need more help soon. I'd love for her to be closer as well. How can my husband and I facilitate that? She does not want to move. I have no idea how to make something like that happen without doing something extreme. Any help on where to turn to get more info would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

mabelgirl

With my mom unfortunately her bad traits became more pronounced than the good. Have you taken care of legalities like DPOA, medical surrogate, financial authorizations etc? If your mom is still functioning and not at risk I doubt there is anything you can do to force a move (I.e. she is not so cognitively declined to be considered incompetent). An elder attorney would helpful. If your mother is willing you may be able to start some home health aide for her. Try the area agency on aging or your local elder affairs office. Getting someone to assist with household chores is one of the many services they can hook her up with. You could also put cameras in her home to help monitor her and see how she really is on her own. Prayers for safety.

H1235

We finally convinced my mom when the doctor said she was not safe to be in the house alone. (If her doctor hasn’t said this I would just tell her he/she did)Don’t get me wrong it still wasn’t easy, but she didn’t flat out refuse to go. She still thinks she is perfectly capable of living alone and doesn’t belong in Al. We didn’t really ask her. We told her that was what the doctor recommended and I took her to see the facility, but she told me not to sign anything because she wasn’t sure if that’s what she wanted. I did sign all the paperwork and told her the date she would be moving. She was not happy and almost a year later she is still angry with me, but she is safe. Everything would obviously go better with her on board, but the bottom line is her safety. You may have to choose her safety over allowing her to make the decision for herself and that may also mean she gets angry with you. It’s not easy. While my mom is still mad at me she has made friends and participates in activities. It was a good move for her. In a worst case scenario I have heard others say they brought their lo out to lunch and then stoped at the facility where other family members have the room all set up and ready to go. I would definitely talk with the facility and explain if this is the way you have to go. Many elderly don’t want to be a burden on their children. If you have to exploit this and tell her you just don’t have the time to help her out while she stays in her home. Which is probably true! I would avoid questions about the cost if you think that might be a deterrent ( the cost is mind blowing). I usually tell mom I can’t remember or I’ll have to look into that, I don’t have the details yet, that kind of thing. Good luck