Scared to be alone

kblau

I don’t know what to say anymore when my mom says ‘I’m lonely. When are you coming back? Promise?’ I see her in MC almost every day. I know that she is scared bc she understands to some degree that she is losing her mind and afraid of what’s to come. Today she said to me ‘I’m really going to miss you. I’m running out of time.’ And my heart is just broken. I hate seeing her like this!

mabelgirl

I believe our LO do understand their brain is not working and it scares, frustrates them and makes some angry like my mom. I have the same heartache because I know my mom never imagined her end time like this. All I can do is my utmost to make her comfortable and let her live her life as she wants in a safe environment. My mom gets certain sayings kinda stuck like it’s the only thing she can reach in her brain to say. Other times I do think what she says is from a geniune connected thought. Both to the inexperienced would sound like a normal person. I answer both as if they were meant. So I would just reassure her I’m a call away and I will be back in a little while. Hoping that will comfort her for however little she holds onto it and that is a very short time. Yesterday I visited my mom and had lunch with her. My sister arrived and I thought I’d let them have some time. No sooner than I walked out the door my mom told my sister I hadn’t come to see her for a long time. 😔. Prayers for peace and acknowledgement your doing an excellent job caring for your mom.

psg712

It is heartbreaking. I see my mom about twice a week at MC. I try to stay in the moment with her, knowing that after I leave, she doesn't remember that I was there. When I leave, I tell her I'll be back soon. She often says "I hope so." Her affect is so flat, I can't really tell what she feels. When I mention other family members, she just nods - I can't tell if she knows who I'm talking about.

I was sick last week so stayed away from MC for about ten days, not wanting to bring in a virus. When I went in to visit on Monday, for the first time ever she looked at me blankly, with no obvious recognition. She answered politely when I asked how she was, as if she were speaking to a stranger. After a little while, she seemed to warm up to me. And when I left, we had the same goodbye: "I'll see you soon." " I hope so."

wh1t

It’s hard to have a front row seat to your LO going through this season. Know you are providing comfort in the moment and if that’s all it lasts, just a moment because they won’t remember the longer view, it’s okay. That feeling of guilt is not meant for you to hold. It’s a difficult walk for sure as someone caring for a LO.

Anonymousjpl123

Totally agree with all comments above and my heart goes out to you. This is the worst. My mom has finally truly adjusted to her place, but that is only because she no longer makes sense most of the time and it is excruciating. Up until about 6 months ago she was like your mom.

it’s hard, but we gotta just be with them. A few days ago my mom asked me “I want to talk to you about elderly people. I’m scared I may be becoming elderly.” I knew just what she meant, so I asked “you mean more like (her roommate, who is more advanced)?” She said yes. I said there’s a long way to go before you are at that point. Her answer? “Oh that’s good, because I don’t feel old.”

This from a person who rarely can find the word she needs. I let her be. Stay with her. Meet her where she is on a given day. Then go home, resent those not doing more, fight with friends, work, rest, and do it again. It’s not easy. I’m trying to show up for myself more too so I can keep showing up for her. Trust me, you just being with her makes a world of difference no matter what.