Alzheimer's affects friendship and financial safety

morrilla

Hello all, so very saddened and surprised today when I got a call from my friend of 25 years "blaming me for her failure not to win millions of dollars in Publishers Cleasringhouse sweepstakes". There is a lot of background to this story covering the last 3 months, suffice it to say I had noticed a slow declination of memory and general confusion. My friend refuses to let her only living relative be notified, but she does have one other closer friend who lives with her and has been involved in notifying the police about the scam. All police, FCC, have been notified and have been following her case, still following it because yesterday the closer friend was going to contact the Police Dept. for another visit because she received another letter from the scam Publisher Clearinghouse people, this time a more "official" looking letter. My dear 88-yearold memory-impaired friend had to close her checking account because she had sent the scammers $25,500 in November, and they cashed the check while continuing to call her 5 times an hour to request more money for "IRS tax fees". The wonderful roommate managed to get her to meet with a fraud specialist at her bank who explained everything to her and set up a new checking account. Great news, as seen in AARP banks are doing more to prevent elder fraud! A new unlisted phone number has also been put in place. But now the scammers are sending her letters. Her roommate who is very "with it" now has the new checkbook; both police and fraud specialist know this. My problem is, I now see I have lost my friend to Alzheimer's!! My brilliant, funny, former therapist, politically active friend of 25 years is now totally focused on sweepstakes. This makes me so angry at THE DISEASE. My mother had Alzheimer's, and full disclosure I work as a direct caregiver for an Alzheimer agency. I am just posting this to remind folks that no matter what your training, you and your family cannot control the effects of this disease. But today I was so saddened because this 88 year old friend who still does not have a diagnosis because she refuses to believe she has judgement-impairment, called me to state "I now blame YOU for all this; I no longer believe they are scammers, I believe I have won the money." Even tho she was the one who called me in November and said "I think I am being scammed, can you look something up about these people?" and again called me this month when she tried to send them another $9,000. So I have lost my friend to ALZHEIMER'S. We are doing all we can to protect her...but I know I have no legal right to help, and I must let go lovingly while still being available if anyone needed me. Her roommate called police about the new letters. Now, of course I know her situation is eventually going to change and family will be notified when there is a bad enough event. But she no longer wants to talk to me; I know it is because of this awful disease. Just know that just when you think you may have protected your "person", Alzheimer's does find another brain twist. Keep learning and working on strategies. Love to all, A.M.

SusanB-dil

Hi morrilla - I don't know ANYONE who would disagree that we HATE 'this'!

I'm so sorry you've lost your good friend to 'this' horrid disease.

My MIL lost 6 figures - and that was to a formerly trusted family member. Disgusting for sure! Another poster on here had her dad lose way too much, and there are others.

Does her family actually know about this decline? Are you able to notify them? Her family probably needs to check into DPOA and HIPAA accesses for her.

Yes - so very sad for all.

Quilting brings calm

call the relative. This is definitely a bad enough event. The woman needs a guardian, to be moved to a secure facility with no phone or internet access to protect her from scammers. Before she loses any more money that is needed to pay for her care

H1235

I agree the relatives need to be told now. You say she won’t let them be told. How can she possibly stop you or your friend from telling them? The family needs time to act while they still can. They need to make sure legal matters are in order before it’s too late. They need to start making plans for her care. As I’m sure you know some facilities have a waiting list. She is not thinking clearly.

SDianeL

your friend can no longer reason. Her family or the state needs to step in and appoint a Guardian. Call her family member. Please don’t wait.

morrilla

Thank you everyone! Yes, all of this is being planned. Thank you, and this forum is so helpful, Morrilla.