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Talking merciless nonsense

Pogey
Pogey Member Posts: 1 Member

Why when we are in company does my OH, who is moderate/severe stage of dementia, not utter a word, but when he is with me or his sons, he talks relentlessly. Nothing makes sense. All day long he wants to go home, Within seconds of me telling him we are home he starts again. i've tried every way suggested to distract him but nothing works, He keeps his coat, hat and shoes on all day long pacing up and down. He thinks he can still drive home although he has no idea where that is. He packs his bag every day with all sorts of rubbish (pans, slippers, books, shoes, tennis rackets.) He has had a $20 note in his wallet for over a year. Keeps taking it out of his wallet and putting it down then starts panicking because he thinks someone has stolen it. We spend hours searching for things he's misplaced because he is paranoid that there are other people in the house who are thieves. Doesn't think I'm his wife. Does anyone have experience of this and any suggestions how to cope. I try to keep it together but some times I lose my temper and then I feel really guilty. This is just the tip of the iceberg, I'm at breaking point. He does go to a day centre and family do help but every minute he is with me is hell!!

Comments

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 1,225
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    welcome. So sorry you are going through this. We understand. Please read the book “The 36 Hour Day” and watch Tam Cummings videos online. They really helped me. Your LO’s behaviors are common. Usually chattering and wanting to go home are due to their anxiety. Telling him he’s home won’t work. You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. Speak to the doctor about medications to help with anxiety and hallucinations and delusions. Try distraction, redirection or a treat. Fib if you must. The more you learn and practice the techniques the better. The only other option is memory care. You have no reason to feel guilty. Caregiving is hard. We’re here to provide support and info. 💜

  • Biggles
    Biggles Member Posts: 288
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    Hello welcome to the club. It’s such a nightmare but unfortunately everything you describe sounds normal in the broken world our OH live in. I can only imagine how frightening it must be for them. Follow what SDianeL has suggested. The article that helped me the most is The Cavalry is NOT Coming it’s on this site. As SDianeL says you can’t reason with a mind that is broken but you can play soft music, (even use Bluetooth plugs so only you can hear the music if necessary) dance in the kitchen, make up beautiful stories about the house where you live maybe how good the oven is and bake him a cake. Smile lots and use soft words it really helps them and yourself with the anxiety and frustration. It’s such a terribly tough journey the same but different for all of us. Keep venting and reading here that helps too. Hugs good luck.

  • easy23
    easy23 Member Posts: 226
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    I lived through what you are currently experiencing. All of the doctors that my DH saw said the same thing, "place him in long term care." I tried to keep him at home but it was impossible, so I placed him in MC. The cost is daunting but I am so much happier and my DH is doing well and getting the care he needs.

  • mrsdee13
    mrsdee13 Member Posts: 20
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    Poegy, I feel your pain. I'm dealing with many of the same, but at least my DH knows he is home. He constantly thinks someone other than the two of us is in our home. He continually believes someone has stolen or just messed with his stuff every day. He can't give you any details, but he keeps saying it. He's constantly misplacing everything. He's very moody. He always was, but he's even grumpier now. He's also a hoarder, and it's so sad the junk he keeps and gets so angry when you move it. I'm learning how to discard it without him knowing little by little. It's such a task and draining. He has hallucinations and is paranoid. He sees people in our home and says they disappear through the walls. Occasionally, he thinks an animal is in the house. He said a bird flew out the window, and a cat was in bed with me. Something was crawling in our closet. He's on Doneprezil, and I think it helps sometimes. He does keep his clothes on often all night long. He sits up, especially when he is angry about something. When I ask, he says he is fine. I'm getting to the point I don't feel like fighting this battle sometimes, but I do feel sorry for him. We're still waiting on an official diagnosis. I would like to know what we're dealing with, even if there are few options. Good luck to everyone.

  • Bailey's Mom
    Bailey's Mom Member Posts: 148
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    MrsDee, My HWD is a hoarder too…wondering what tactics you are using to throw some of the junk (and I mean junk) away without him noticing. I try to hide some of it in my art studio and throw it away whenever I can get to the garbage by myself…not easy because he accompanies me everywhere now and tends to look through the garbage before I dispose of it. He also is very paranoid…thinks everyone is trying to cheat him and that the govt is on verge of collapse, etc. He always was somewhat paranoid but now distrusts everyone. He takes donepezil, but I think that's for slowing the progression of memory loss, not agitation (don't know if it works or not, but doesn't seem to do any harm). His anxiety and anger is almost unbearable so PCP prescribed 25mg daily dose of sertaline…haven't started it yet, but sure hope it helps. Good luck to you.

  • Goodlife2025
    Goodlife2025 Member Posts: 17
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    I sometimes put items in the trunk of the car while my DW sleeps. Later when I have those times without her with me. I can either donate the item(s) or throw them in the outside trash (on trash pick up day) . I just find ways to work around her behaviors. We put our cans by the curb the night before, I go out in the wee hours and add to the cans. She never knows.

  • BPS
    BPS Member Posts: 174
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    My wife was having delusions and one of them was that someone was trying to kill her, and she would get very scared. Her doctor prescribed Hydroxyzine it is an antihistamine used for anxiety. It has helped a lot she is not scared or mad anymore. She is more tired but I think it is better to be tired then living in intense fear. I had talked to the doctor before about medications when her delusions started but were not as intense and he said he could prescribe something but we decided to hold off at that point when the delusions were not as intense. I was hoping they would pass.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more