Worst Week of My Life-Rant

fmb

This has been the worst week of my life.

DH died Tuesday night. That was understandably difficult, but bearable.

Wednesday, my car started making a loud noise when I apply the brakes.

Thursday I cleaned out his room at the ALF. It was very emotionally difficult.

Thursday night the motherboard in my furnace failed. Living in a mobile home with temps in the single digits means frozen water pipes if the heat isn't on. I accidently plugged in two space heaters on the same circuit and nearly started a fire when the fuse (house is very old) overheated before tripping. That was 4:30 this morning. $456 later, I have a working furnace.

Today I met with the funeral director for two hours. It took that long to iron out the confusion caused by DH's elder daughter trying to make her own arrangements with the funeral home she wanted him to use. Both of his daughters, even the formerly friendly one, are furious at me because the funeral won't be exactly how he said he wanted it in 1990!

They are both pi$$ed because my male (platonic) friend is coming to help me get through the visiting hours and funeral. They're pi$$ed because a 21-gun military salute may not be possible because they prioritize burials at the local National Cemetery. They're pi$$ed because the limo company the funeral director uses cannot provide a limo for a family car. They blame me for all of it.

They are accusing me of stealing their inheritance and plan to sue. The elder one didn't even speak to him for six years until I called and asked her to please visit her father at the ALF, which she did exactly four times. The younger one screamed at me over the phone this afternoon and is demanding to know how much I am getting as direct beneficiary (outside the will) and in joint accounts. That is none of her business. She says I stole an IRA that was to be hers. I was literally shaking by the time I hung up on her. I left a VM with an estate attorney. I'm going to need one, and it is going to cost me.

Thank you for reading my very long rant.

cdgbdr

I am so sorry that you have to deal with those daughters in addition to everything else. Stay strong.

Quilting brings calm

I am so sorry. All of these things piling up in the same week.

I totally get the frustrations with his daughters. My step-dad was married to my mom for 59 years when he died last spring. Still his 3 kids resented the fact that their joint will left everything to the surviving spouse ( my mom). Mom died in November and they are wondering where their cut is. They aren’t going to be very happy when they find out how little there is to divide among the six of us. The joint checking account doesn’t even go to the estate - it comes to me.

You are correct none of that stuff goes to them. Just tell her next time that if her dad had wanted her to have it, he would have named her the beneficiary.

I had a joint funeral for mom and step-dad at the National Cemetsey. I did not expect a 21 gun salute because the guidelines said 20 years of military service - he had 4. The volunteer group gave him one anyway. In 17 degrees, feels like zero weather.

Many funeral homes no longer provide family cars. We found that out with our son’s funeral.

CatladyNW

I am very sorry that you are dealing with all of these problems. I don't know why, but deaths and funerals often bring out the worst in families. You are the one who stood by your DH through the nightmare of this disease, and cared for him. Don't let his daughters get to you, ignore their complaints. Focus on just getting through the funeral, and taking care of yourself and regaining some strength. Sending a hug!

tigersmom

@fmb , my heart goes out to you. Bad enough to be dealing with the loss of your dear husband. Having to deal with all the rest of this is just not fair. Stand your ground and do what you think is best for your husband. I am sorry it is all so hard.