Do the specific loops stop?

VictoriaA

My mother (88), just a couple months into AL (who really should be in MC, and likely will be transitioned soon), has incessant looping (like many of our LOs do).

There are several topics, but one is that she wants her 2 credit cards back, along with her driver’s license and $25 cash, all of which she supposedly gave me for safe keeping. Another is that she wants out and back into her independent apartment (where she lived prior to the SNF and now, an AL facility).

In any case, do these incessant perseverations (the specific ones) ever stop? I’m assuming as the disease progresses, they may change, shift, become less frequent, be eliminated - something.

My mother is in Stage 4, and inching into Stage 5.

I’m wondering if these looping topics drop off, disappear, and become eliminated as time goes on (or the looping itself), and what that may look like.

On another note, my normally sweet, warm and loving mother (who I’m a caretaker for) kicked me out of her AL today after becoming agitated during my normal Sunday visit.

As that was happening, my sweet father (90) was being admitted into a board & care of an unknown name, as my stepmother won’t tell the family where it is located until after he has “adjusted”. His admission isn’t due to AD - there are several other medical issues at hand.

But, I can’t help but think…she has no idea what’s ahead of her. None of our LO enter into new facilities easily, whether they’re suffering from AD (or a related dementia) or not. She said she didn’t want us to visit for 2 days or so, “once he’s transitioned successfully”.

I don’t think she realizes there’s a 99% chance he won’t be “adjusted” in 48 hours. I mean, I do believe in miracles, so, you never know. But, as unkind as she’s been to us (his family) over the years, I still feel badly for her that she has an expectation that, “…all will be well by Tuesday.” She’s likely setting herself up (and many of us in the family) for a major disappointment. But, I digress…

Anyway, caretaking is happening far and wide. I do wish her the best, even though she hasn’t been the kindest to us over the years.

And, for my father, I send prayers of ease, calmness and powerful love as he transitions into this facility. May it be a perfect match for him, and may he adjust sooner rather than later. I love him so much. So much.

Feels a little heavier knowing both of my parents are in “facilities” now. Although I’m not my father’s current caretaker, it’s still no fun to not only find out he’s entering a facility, but also to find it out mere hours before his admittance.

For today….

I’m sending love, peace and warmth to each and every one of you, now and always, as you continue to take on this role, and navigate all the ups and downs. <3

May we all find strength here and in one another. Rinse and repeat.

SusanB-dil

The loops are definitely annoying! From what I've experienced, seen and read… Yes, it stops. BUT, it may become a different fixation. Maybe you could put in her wallet expired or deactivated credit cards, or an already-used of those Name-brand gift cards, maybe a $5 or so, and tell her you need to get to the bank for more. That can often placate a LO.

Even if your dad may or may not settle in wherever… at least you'd know where he is.

harshedbuzz

@VictoriaA

I am sorry you are in such a difficult spot right now. I can hear the love and pain in your post.

IME with dad, the perseverations peaked as he transitioned from late stage 5 into early stage 6. As the disease progressed, he was less able to hold onto the thoughts that drove the loops. It was a relief, some of what spewed from his mouth could have ended in an arrest.

During the worst of it, he tended to cycle through a number of fixations with new ones replacing older ones after a month or two. I found DH and I could successfully redirect dad compared to my mom for some reason. By stage 6, he could more easily be distracted by a sweet treat.

I'm sorry your dad's wife is playing games at the moment. I don't disagree with her plan to allow your dad some time and space to adjust to his new room and care team but it seems she could trust you to honor her reasonable request. I wouldn't expect his to settle in so quickly either.

For the wallet, I made a copy of dad's expired license and added some random expired cards to his wallet. I even gave him $20 in ones to give him a wad of cash. I've heard of others using play money.

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Anonymousjpl123

Hi and I’m so sorry you have so much to cope with all at once! A lot on your plate for sure - I cannot imagine having two parents struggling with placement at once.

For your mom, I agree with fake money or even a purse and wallet with expired cards. Also, you may be surprised that she will calm down. One of the most disturbing loops for my mom was when she thought I was an imposter. She would come to my place, or I would visit or call, and she would say “that’s not my daughter.” Other times she was totally lucid.

Just remember it’s not you, or her, it’s the disease. Hang in there.