Need advice about my mom with Dementia

kdub2

Hi, my mom is 74 years old and has moderately severe multi infarct dementia. She lives alone with her two little dogs. In the past few months, she has declined and I fear she is not safe to live by herself anymore, but, she is also verbally aggressive and mean. She has told me she will not go to an "old folks" home. I have explained how great an assisted living can be - consistent homemade meals, help with medicine, help with technology etc. Her dogs are her family members and she won't leave them. I've considered trying to find a place that accepts a dog or two, but, she is unable to care for them. Her doctors, both primary and neurologist agree that she needs an assisted living but she won't listen to them either. I have POA but the assisted livings I've spoken to make it sound like they only take willing patients. I don't know what to do or how to keep my mom safe.

H1235

My mom did not want to go to AL. She took a tour, but told me not to sign any papers. I signed the papers and we told her she was going to be moving in in a ew weeks. She was furious! But she accepted that she really didn’t have a choice. I did worry that she might try to call a public transportation and go to her house, but she has no access to the phone number. She is with it enough to know she can’t walk. If your mom is beyond this and you feel like she would just walk out the front door (by the way in AL they can), then you may need to consider memory care.

Mint

I had the same issues with my mother. What I ended up doing was basically just waiting for the shoe to drop. That’s a little hard because I could not live with her. So either my sister or I went to her house once a day and did all the things that needed done such as washing clothes, housecleaning etc. Then we did at least a couple of phone calls besides that each day. Finally one day she was unable to walk so I called the squad, and when she got to the hospital and was admitted, I made them aware that I wanted to place her. It is still not a real easy route at least in my case. It was very obvious that my mother needed help, but she continued to tell them at the hospital that she was going home. The hospitalist called in a psychiatrist to determine if my mom was capable of making her own medical decisions. Even though the psychiatrist wrote about my mom‘s issues s he still tried to say that my mom was capable of making her own medical decisions. So how I ended up dealing with that was I happened to own the house where my mother lived. I provided my mom with the home. So we told them I’m selling the home and that home is no longer going to be available because it is not safe. Then we-told the psychiatrist that if my mom was capable of making her own medical decisions then we were not going to interfere with it anymore and that her and my mom would have to decide what plan they were going to do. We said we have an AL in place but if she’s capable of doing this then I don’t have no right to say anything and you and her have to decide what you’re going to do. She immediately changed her tune and wrote that my mom was not capable and why she was not capable. That still does not stop all your problems because then the ambulance, if my mom refused when they came to pick her up would not take her even though the doctor had signed off on that. But they did order an anxiety med for her if she needed it for the ambulance ride. I don’t believe they had to give that I’m not sure but anyway she went very happily and I’m very thankful for that God just took care of me however it happened.

Here is the resource that you may have available. We used this resource and it was suggested to me by the case manager that I had at the hospital. There is a company in the US called CarePatrol. They sell franchises all over the US. If you Google CarePatrol you can find them, you can put in your ZIP Code and you’ll find out if there’s a franchise in your area. They work like an insurance agent works. You tell them what you would like and they know what’s available and what will work in your situation. They will make appointments and go with you there. My agent was quiet unless spoken to when you went to see the facility but she talked to us before and she talk to us afterwards. I was able to call her anytime I wanna bump came up where I had a question and she was very helpful in those situation’s. She made us aware of things that I didn’t think to ask. I found her extremely helpful. They help you when you’re at home in fact that’s what they help the most often with she told me. When we got done I asked her if it was OK if I referred people to her and she said oh I would love it and she said most of the people that I help are at home not in the hospital.

Hope this helps you in someway, I understand