New to group

VFBLOCH

Hello
I am new to the group. I’m not sure if this is where I need to be. My mom was diagnosed with dementia caused by chronic drinking. She also has bone cancer and other health issues.
Recently, she was placed in a nursing facility because it was unsafe for her to remain home alone. She was falling a lot and she didn’t want services to help her remain home.
The change is difficult for her. She spent 61yrs in her home, my childhood home. We never had a good relationship but I’ve never turned my back on her. I’m having a VERY difficult time, between her being there, dealing with her anger and confusion, helping her adjust to a new environment, cleaning out her house, and handling my own affairs, I feel I’m going crazy. I feel lost along with a wide array of other emotions.

Shenmama99

so sorry for you. It really sucks. U r not going crazy. This is normal feelings. It does feel like u have taken a crazy pill though. I walk on eggshells around my mom. I understand what u r going through. I wish I could tell u something to make it alright but I can’t. I hate what’s going on in my life right now. I feel guilty wanting her to pass. My mom is still in her home so we have to monitor her constantly. I’ve noticed that when I act super happy and cheerful she seems better. I have to catch myself when I get pissed at her and remind myself that her mind is bad. Hang in there. Again I’m so sorry u r dealing with this.

housefinch

@harshedbuzz

Quilting brings calm

This is definitely a place for you to be. Please read and comment on all three caregiver forums ( general, spouse and caring for a parent. There’s good info in all three. @harshedbuzz will be along in the next day or so to discuss dementia due to alcoholism. There are some nuances, but not as much difference as you think.

Mint

You are not alone it is crazy and overwhelming. I have went through this recently getting my mom placed getting everything taken care of. I lost 4 pounds from all the stress of it. It did eventually get better for me, but it it took a couple of months. It is a lot of work as well as mental stress.

Now that I have gotten through all that it is much better. My sister and I were just talking about this how it still takes quite a bit of our time visiting her and seeing to everythingbut it’s much more pleasant now. My mom does not have an alcohol problem, but she has a personality disorder, on top of what seems to be increasing dementia. I read recently that personality disorders often increase at the beginning of dementia. My mother‘s surely did. It was a little.The place she’s at deals with her well and now when I see things I can think they can take care of it and they do and so much nicer I’m so thankful. I had one sister who had little contact with my mom, but wanted contact and another sister who had not had contact for years. Now they are both visiting with my mother and she’s not acting out and I’m thankful that they’ve able to have contact before my mother dies because I think it will be better for them. So placement has really been a great thing for us. Hope it works out for you that way too.

harshedbuzz

@VFBLOCH

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found us.

You are not crazy. You have landed at the intersection of dementia and likely undiagnosed mental health issues (hers not yours) which is not easy. Caring for a parent with dementia is difficult. Caring for a parent with dementia who was the parent you deserved is a special kind of suckitude.

My dad had mixed dementia— alcohol-related WKS and Alzheimer's. The symptoms of the two are slightly different— in WKS retaining information tanks very early on and the changes in gait/falls also happen sooner.

It's pretty typical for any PWD to have a 1-3 month (sometimes longer) adjustment period while they adapt to the new routines, caregivers and physical space. Some dementia experts suggest avoiding or limiting visits during this time so the PWD can bond with their caregivers. It might be worth a break from visits if they're going badly.

Dad, who was a pretty tough customer settled in after about 6 weeks when he was in stage 6. He was nasty during that time when mom or I visited. Until her settled, I went with her and made sure the visit took place in a very public space where he was more likely to behave himself. If he started to ramp up, we ghosted him saying we were going to the bathroom.

Over time, our visits improved. This was especially true for me. Dad mostly got along, but I wasn't his favorite and we'd been butting heads since I could talk. The man became warm and fuzzy in his final months. A dementia-educator explained that this might be a regression to a time before he developed his challenging personality. Who knows, you might get lucky too.

Dad also had cancer with his dementia. His had not metastasized to his bones. Depending on treatment options and prognosis, hospice could be an option.

I don't know how extensive your mom's house cleanout is. With my aunt, who had more of a compound (home, 2 cottages, a workshop, 4 bay garage, shed and boathouse) we (her guardian-sister, mom and me) went through the place looking for paper records and took out family pieces we wanted. Then guardian-aunt hired an estate auction dealer who cleaned out the rest. He sorted things into dump, donate, sales/auction. After the auctions, my aunt got a decent check for some of the antiques and furniture. This was way easier than DIYing it all especially since I was "the kid" at 58. Realtors can often line this sort of thing up if you'll be selling the property.

HB

Korsakoff Syndrome: Clinical Aspects, Psychology and Treatment | Alcohol and Alcoholism | Oxford Academic

harshedbuzz

Wernicke-Korsakoff-Syndrome: Under-Recognized and Under-Treated - ScienceDirect

harshedbuzz

A Clinician’s View of Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome

mlenny

I am in the same boat with the feeling of being lost. Mom has been in 4 different facilities in 2.5 years. She was officially diagnosed with dementia/Alzheimer's 3 years ago. Originally she was in Independent Living as we had no idea how bad she really was. About a year later we moved her to AL. About 4 months into AL, she went into a severe depression (diagnosed many years ago) and didn’t leave her apartment for 3 weeks. The psychiatrist said she either has to go to MC or to a psych unit to get her meds adjusted, whichever we could get her into first. She ended up in MC and it was a rough ride for about 6 months. She came out of the depression and was not happy being in a unit with ppl that couldn’t even speak. So again we moved her to a new facility for AL. Now she absolutely hates her room (it is quite tiny) and is consistently angry at me for moving her there. Now I am considering moving her again. I can’t take her anger at me all the time. My mental health has taken a nose dive over the last year.

Kimbutler

Hi,
I'm new to the group too. I'm sorry for all you're going through. Does your Mom have Hospice services? If she is not getting treatment for the cancer, she would be eligible for Hospice services and Hospice has nursing home teams that collaborate with nursing home residents. They would be very helpful in managing your mom's emotional and physical symptoms. I am a Hospice home care nurse in Buffalo, NY if you have any questions I can answer for you