Phone concerns

Becky1199

Hello. I'm new on here and newer to this in general. My great aunt is in AL and was diagnosed with dementia back in November when she was declared incapacity by 2 doctors. She doesn't want to accept this. She is constantly using her phone to make calls to the library to get phone numbers. To call her insurance company and the police (she says to get me in trouble for not giving her, her money and insurance cards) which is doesn't need in AL. She also calls me 1 to 2 times a day just to yell at me for not giving her money, keys, insurance cards and so on. Some time I answer and other times I let it go to voicemail. I have told the AL about this and they are saying i should get rid of her phone.

My question are do I get rid of her phone or has anyone else gone through this? I feel bad taking away her phone but she has already changed her health insurance plan once and I'm still trying to get her old plan reactivated. Any help or suggestions are greatly appreciated.

H1235

I agree with AL it sounds like it’s time to take the phone away. If you just can’t do it, maybe you could block a bunch of numbers. Does she have her bank information? She could do a lot of damage if she starts moving money around or if she gets scammed. This is about keeping her safe. What if she had somehow canceled her health insurance or gave a bunch of money away? Managing finances and everything else for a person in AL is a lot of work. She is making things so much harder for you and that’s not ok. It’s perfectly reasonable for you to take the phone away. I almost wonder if she might eventually be less stressed without the phone (maybe wishful thinking). It’s not you taking away her phone it’s dementia making use of the phone a problem.

forbarbara

Take the phone. Now. If you need a fiblet tell her it’s not working right and you sent it back for repairs. Sadly the phone has become something she could hurt herself with. Treat it as you would a steak knife or a pack of matches.
And yes, many of us have experienced this with our PWDs. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this but glad you’re on top of it.

MN Chickadee

Taking the phone away is a common issue, and most families have to do it eventually hard as it is. It's clearly a problem for her, enabling this spiraling of anxious wheel spinning and she could also do more harm to her situation by calling these places. I suspect the facility is right. They will call you if there's a problem. Is she actually using the phone for anything good? Is she having nice conversations with friends and family or is it all problematic stuff? At my mom's facility people could call the main land line and they would bring a cordless phone to the person when they received a phone call. There is also a tablet specifically for PWD called grandpad that replaces their cell phone, computer and everything else. It can only call the people you have pre-entered in it and has very limited internet access (no random web browsing.) She may not be at a place mentally where she can learn a new device though, despite it being pretty simple. I would shut the phone plan off. When it won't work, remove the phone and say you will get it fixed. Therapeutic fibs. They are backed up, a tech can't get here for a while. Rinse and repeat until she forgets.

terei

You don’t even have to take the phone away..next time you are there, take out the battery or the SIM card. If she complains the phone wont work, tell her you will take it and get it fixed. At that point, delays in parts, etc will prevent it being fixed. She should not have a phone.

H1235

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/235619#Comment_235619

This is a great idea! If you just take the phone she may think she lost it and get upset and frazzled looking for it. If you tell her she can’t have it anymore, well you know that won’t go well.