Mom and Vascular Dementia

escam1995

New to the community. I moved in with my 81 year old mother when she started missing meds, forgetting to eat, constant repeating stories within minutes. She was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. She does not drive anymore and does not wander. She does stay at home by herself while I work,
I watch on cameras and my sisters check on her. She does accuse me and my sisters of taking her mail, bank statements, she gets upset because she thinks no one calls her or comes to visit (which my sisters talk to her everyday) and we plan family get togethers regularly at her house but it does get hard to get everyone together on a weekly basis. She refuses to leave the house to go visit family or even to go to the store. She says she doesn't feel well and her back hurts so she doesn't have to go. But then gets upset because she feels trapped in her house. Any suggestions? I feel like I do not do enough to keep her busy but its hard when she refuses to join in activities and she sleeps a lot during the day. Do I just let her be?

sandwichone123

Yes, just let her be. She doesn't have the focus to do activities. If you do get her to the store that can lead to issues as well.

Rather than trying to get everyone together, you might assign visiting in rotations. Sometimes more than one or two people at a time can be overwhelming anyway, and if everyone tag teams she can get more company with each person having less time committed.

escam1995

Thank you. I feel bad watching her sleep a lot and not getting out but I do understand the can't focus.

Any ideas on how to handle spam callers? We have blocked their numbers but she tends to try and call back. We have had instances where a "home Warranty" has gotten money because she gives her card number. there is just so much to learn to keep her safe and not have people take advantage of her.

sandwichone123

Before I ended up taking away dh's phone, I set it to block all callers except those in his contact list, and I culled everyone off his contact list except our closest friends and family. I also turned off alerts so he wasn't aware of calls, but if she is still able to check the phone and find those you may need to take away the phone—or perhaps just remove the SIM card so she still has the object but can't call or text. You can install some games on it if she uses those, but I would suggest turning off wifi and having it forget the password.

You may need to remove credit/debit cards, or get a debit card linked to an account with a very limited balance rather than to her real account.

H1235

Welcome. In the group section there is a group for new caregivers. Members have compiled a lot of great information there. I would recommend looking at the staging tool and understanding the dementia experience.

https://alzconnected.org/group/32-new-caregiver-help

I wounder if it might be time to take her credit card away. There are horror stories here of people loosing their life savings at this stage. If she is home alone I would also make sure she doesn’t have access to bank account numbers. Maybe give her an old expired card. For some with dementia grumpy and upset are symptoms. You might want to talk with her doctor to see if medication is appropriate. It can take a while to find the right medication and dose. It also takes a while to start working. My mom lived with my brother and he worked full time. Eventually we just couldn’t trust her to be in the home alone. We used cameras also. She has anosognosia (inability to recognize her own symptoms) and thought she could do things that were not safe. She spent all day alone in her pajamas with no interactions. The move to AL was good for her, but everyone is different. I hope there is something useful here.