New to the group

anut1023

So I’m new to the group and not sure this is where I need to be but we had to put Mom in a memory care unit last May after her living with us for one year. I have so much guilt that I wasn’t able to keep her at home with me especially being a nurse, but it was just a lot. there anyone else going through this?

psg712

I'm a nurse too. I also have a spouse with some recent health issues, a child in middle school, and a full time job. It's ALL a lot. We have to balance all the pieces in our lives.

Of course you love your mom and you want to care for her. Sometimes that means memory care. Her needs will only increase, and if you are one person providing 24/7 care, you will wear out. Even people who keep loved ones at home often need to hire some help.

Your mom looks precious. How has she adjusted to memory care? If she is being taken care of and you are still able to maintain a relationship with her, you are succeeding. Don't let other people heap on guilt. Just love her through the journey.

--Rebecca--

You are one person. Your mom is now receiving around the clock care. She is receiving staff support during the day, the evening and on weekends. So that is 4 different shifts-four different persons. She will be seen quickly if she needs medical attention, and it will be on site. A huge benefit! They will reorder and track her meds. That's at least two more people. Plus an activity director, housekeeping…you can see where this is going. A resource network that far exceeds what one person can do.

You can go back to being a daughter. You still are caregiving. You now have the job of monitoring her care, and this is an ongoing job, not to be taken lightly. I don't feel guilty for putting my parents in AL, or for transitioning my dad to MC. Shake off the guilt. It's not helpful and it may just be misplaced grief for the lifestyle you once enjoyed with your mom.

CupcakesMom2

Hi, I get it. I just put my Dad in memory care, I feel guilt too. But I also know, as others have stated above that is what is best for him. He is relatively happy there, he likes some of the activities, he likes the food (all this is best I can tell). I would try to focus on what she likes about where she is (I hope there is something) and visit when you can and just keep doing what you are doing, meeting her needs as you identify them. She is lucky to have you.

LadyGray

You are doing the right thing, it IS a LOT and it's incredibly stressful for the Caretaker (US!) They will need even more care as the disease progresses and a Care Home will have enough Caretakers to give her the proper attention she needs. It gets to a point we put So much attention into caring for them we have no time to properly care for ourselves. ❤️ One of the Good things about putting them into a Care Home, is that now the Time you spend visiting will be Quality Visits instead of worrying about all the Caretaker chores.

The Guilt with putting my Mom in a home was Horrible, but given her difficult behavior and the bad turn her dementia took, I KNEW it was necessary. Am about to go through it AGAIN, with my Dad this time, and it will be WORSE because I'm much closer to him and his dementia is much different. I understand exactly where your coming from. It did get much better with my Mom with Time. We just have to get through the initial transition part 🙂

anut1023

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/235729#Comment_235729

She is actually doing well in memory care. Thank you for the kind words!

anut1023

Wow what a great perspective! Lots to think about. Thanks!