Frustrated

coffrl

My mother is dealing with memory loss and refuses to see a doctor. We have tried to convince her that she needs to have a check up, she get physical with any of us it we try to put her in the car. How do you get someone evaluated if they refuse to go?

Jo C.

It is a touchy situation. My LO also refused seeing her physician SO many times.

Had to stiffen my resolve and resort to caring "fiblets" to get seeing the physician accomplished. In other words, as much as I loath fibbing, there were times it was necessary in order to keep my LO safe and reasonably well and not having a rebellious meltdown. Last time was a doozy and an appointment was truly necessary, so I had to do a work around with fibs. It actually made things much easier.

"Medicare mandated an annual check-up or they would cancel her insurance," and other fibs; she never knew the dates, so that reasoning worked no matter how short the time was between appointments. There were also other fiblets when there was a situation that a physician needed to be seen. Also; there were several different MDs in the practice, it was best to get an appt. with the one she seemed to tolerate best.

Getting the MD involved in the work around also helped - including the MD more or less "wooing" her as being SO glad to see her and soothing her during the appts. by being ever so nice and personal. Thankful for such a caring MD. Even the appt. staff were "in on it."

Also decided to make appts. a prequel to something enjoyable as in going to have lunch or ice cream sundae at a local cafe after the appointment, or other nice perk. Sometimes it was easy, other times it took more oomph and effort but it got done. I had to be careful that I did not overload her or act as though I was taking "charge" of her or she would rebel. I got very good at walking on my tip-toes over that dynamic.

J.

coffrl

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/235744#Comment_235744

Thanks so much for sharing your tactics. It is so hard to get her to do anything, we only want what's best for her.

Lucy 2011

Hello. My mother was diagnosed in early 2021 with dementia. The first thing I did was insist on knowing what type w cat/pet scans. Alz it was. Thank goodness my mom had the wherewithal to make me secondary on her HCP. Gave me freedom to generate all types of connections. Neurology, gerontology, new PCP. Plus, if it were up to her spouse, dementia diagnosis was good enough. NOT for me! Everyone needs to know what part of the brain is affected, how advanced the disease what stage it's in, and then a care plan ensues.

Her go to response to Drs is "I'm fine- what do I need them for- they don't do anything. i don't want to go to drs anymore" Her spouse and I can make appts and we convince her to go. Thankfully she respects/trusts us and reluctantly concedes. She hates it- but I get that. I'm sure she associates visits with initial PCP who heartlessly blurting out "I see here you have Alz." I could hear my mom mumble Alz? I was on conf call. No explanation, no conversation= no empathy. I hate him for that overt action. After that call, I wrote the firmest email without being scathing to this empty male PCP. It wasn't his place to divulge scan determinations. I hope I hit a nerve with him and he'll think twice before traumatizing some other poor soul.

Better days when I found a wonderful kind female geriatrician for mom. This was a game changer. Every mature person needs a geriatrician Alz or not. One thing I knew about my mother was she preferred females for her medical team.

Finding gerontologist who specialized in Alz. was life changing for us. It was correct doses of medications, alternating of various meds and validation for mom that she was in the right hands.

The warmth and understanding I personally felt as her daughter was comforting "we get it" embrace. We visit every six months.

My mom hates going to anything remotely associated with Drs. this includes dentist, eye dr. cardiologist- name it. She's lost her religion, (fine with me) her initiative, her drive for any passions once enjoyed. It's the saddest ride I've ever taken.

My mother is very robust and strong. This May she'll be 91 yrs young. Thankfully she was always a walker, exerciser ate healthy all of it. Actually, she was the poster child "the blue zone" of all things to do to avoid getting Alz. It's a gamble. body flips a switch, and it everyone in her circle by storm. My mother was a voracious reader, loved gardening, volunteering, a brilliant light. Life is a turnstile. You don't know what you're destined for. Her older sister was diagnosed late 70's with Alz passed at 89. So that said, never in a million years did I anticipate my smart active vibrant mother would too be diagnosed at 87. Grandmother lived until 102. Nursing home took her out.

Get the right medical team. Don't be shy. Ask all the hard questions and research. We're all in this together. Brace yourself and get arms and legs ready for this ride called ALZ!