How to deal with Family Members in denial?

Siobhan21

My 92 yro Mom moved in with us 6 mos ago after a fall where she broke her femur and could no longer live alone. She was diagnosed with VD 9 years ago. She has mobility issues, bowel and bladder incontinence and requires much assistance with ADLs. My issue has been with my husband of 3 years. He feels that he needs to engage mom in activities like getting her to help cook, fold clothes, wash dishes etc. He says that I am allowing her to waste away and she needs to have a purpose. I explain that I engage her in doing what she can with modifications because she can no longer perform as she once did. We constantly argue about this. He works full time and I am still employed part time. Honestly, I am at my wits end. Has anyone else experienced this before? Am I being too soft on her? I am so weary of the same arguement.

H1235

I think the important questions are, how does she respond to these tasks your husband wants her to participate in, does she want to help, is she getting confused and frustrated with the activity, is she exhausted after, is she able to do the tasks. If it is causing her unnecessary stress or confusion I would stand your ground and explain to your husband with specific examples why you think it’s it not good for your mom. On the other hand some activity and involvement may be good for her. I can see where it is probably just easier to do things yourself. Is there some kind of middle ground. Many here talk about how their lo enjoy folding laundry. Maybe you and your husband could come up with a list of activities you agree to offer her, avoiding things that may be too much for her. What about offering photo albums to look through or coloring pages? I have seen many posts here about family working so hard to keep their lo entertained and active only to later accept that their lo is perfectly content without all the activities. It’s tough.