What if I get sick?

jehjeh

DH was worried last night about what would happen to him if something happened to me. He asked who would take care of him? Honestly, I don't know.

Do others have a plan in place? If so, what is it? We have no family to call upon. Friends can only do so much. I'm hearing about flu outbreaks and even that could take me out for a few days. What if something worse happens to me?

I'm really concerned about this and would like to be able to reassure my love that it will be ok.

tboard

my DH who has mid to late stage Dementia and I both got Covid-19 last Fall. I was very sick, he was somewhat sick. I took care of him. Eventually we both got better. I am not caring for DH because I choose to. I am caring for him because I can not afford to pay someone else to do it. I plan to die on this hill. However if he was with it enough to ask about who could care for him if something happened to me I would make something up. I would calm him down and reassure him. He is elderly and terminally ill he shouldn’t have to worry about his care.

Mint

jehjeh your husband asked a very good question one that needs to have a plan in place as it could happen. You both seem aware that this could happen and it may be a source of anxiety for him and you. Hopefully some others will be along that are dealing with this and tell you what they have done.

If you fell and were unable to have access to a phone will he be able to call 911 and answer their questions? What if it turns out that you had a stroke and you will no longer be able to take care of him. You may not even be able to return home. These are all tough questions, but things that occur every day.

You definitely need at least a friend who is checking in with you I would say morning, midday and before you go to bed. Even that gives long stretches of time where you could need help and it wouldn’t be available to you. This is not only dear husband it also involves you and your safety.

In the US there is a company called Care Patrol. It is a company that was suggested to me by my case manager at the hospital and was helpful getting my mom placed in a nice place. To find out if there is a franchise in your area google care patrol . Then you will enter your ZIP Code and then it will come up if this is available in your area. They work like an insurance agent. You will not pay them. They are paid by the companies that they work for. Some people don’t like that, but for me, I found it was way less time-consuming and they knew about things that were available for my situation that I had no idea about. It may be that there is somewhere that you and him could both live together. As long as you’re able to take care for your husband and don’t need help with him, independent living might be an option for you where you could still live together, but have access to more help if needed. You might have a Plan B in place for what happens if you become unable to care for him he may be able to transition on into something else at that Facility where they could take care of him. These are things that the care patrol people will know all about and can help you with if that’s available to you.

I wish you the best with all of this. I know it is a heavy load.

AN444

Excellent information. Thank you.

Also, if you're a veteran, you can get one of those medical alert buttons for free. Just push the button and help will be on its way.

Free Medical Alert Systems from the VA

The VA helps veterans obtain basic medical alert systems free of charge through two private sector partners, LiveLife and MedEquip Alert. As with everything else about the VA, there is a specific process to go through to get either of these devices.

Stan2

Of all the things we deal with in this situation you have hit upon the one that worries me the most. We have family and a half baked plan but nobody can care for her like I do.

????

My wife has ALZ, her Primary Doctor recently ask us if we had a plan if something happened to me before her. We did not. We mentioned this to my wife's Neurologist. He recommended a "Dementia Care Guide". We made an appointment with her, our daughter attended this meeting also. She listened to our concerns and made recommendations for in home care, assisted living, and memory care. Unfortunately 60% of caregiver-spouses die before the person with ALZ. We were able to make plans for our family, it was a good exercise for us.

jfkoc

Always had a Plan B which included a service (I used Home Instead) and a facility. Finding a facility is time consuming and must be updated.

SDianeL

It’s a legitimate concern. please have a plan.and a Plan B. My daughter-in-law who is a nurse told me after my husbands diagnosis that I should have a plan but I thought I had plenty of time. In late 2023 I was diagnosed with a rare aggressive cancer and had no choice but to quickly place my husband in memory care so I could move in with my daughter and get treatment. Also an alert button is a good idea. You never know what might happen.

Jazzma

Friends in an Alzheimer support group suggested I get an Apple watch. I understand it will send for help if it detects that you've fallen or if you're able to say it out loud. I know that doesn't directly answer your question (what if you're unable to take care of your DH) but I thought it was worth sharing for caregivers.

Dio

While we're on this topic, if your LO with dementia is your designated Power of Attorney in financial matters and/or Advanced Healthcare Directive, you may want to update these documents to another trustworthy individual.

Bailey's Mom

I am signing a new DPOA next week (HWD is currently my agent). I have no family who can assume the role, so am appointing my atty (who I have met once…a bit unsettling) as my agent. I am the primary agent on HWD's DPOA and the atty will be secondary in case something happens to me first. He is very difficult and may resist signing this…if so he will have to have a court appointed guardian when I die or become incapacitated. Also am choosing someone else to be my healthcare surrogate. I may tweak this later on, but feel the need to do something as soon as possible. No fun to spend so much time focusing on dying rather than living…