What To Do About Mother's Changing Wishes...

CoryT

Yesterday my mother (who has Alzheimer's) said she wanted to have her burial services changed from where she grew up in Hawaii, to where we live in Los Angeles. Am I correct in honoring her wishes and having it in Los Angeles?

H1235

Does her reasoning seem sound for this decision? If she doesn’t remember living there, or thinks her mom and dad are alive and living in Los Angeles, wants to be buried next to a family member that isn’t buried in LA etc, then I wouldn’t change her plans. Maybe ask her why the change. A person with dementia can be very with it in some ways while still struggling with other things. You know her best. Does this seem like a reasonable request? I don’t think you should rule it out just because she has dementia. If you do decide this request is a bit out of left field and not what she would really want if thinking soundly, I would just avoid the subject. Who really knows what the answer is, just do the best you can.

howdoidothis

Could she be thinking about the cost?
My mom, who is a veteran, said for years that we should bury her in the veteran’s cemetery. A week or so ago she said to cremate her and throw the ashes in the ocean because a traditional burial would be too much money.
Like you, I’m not sure how to interpret.

harshedbuzz

Unless there are other stakeholders (siblings perhaps?) who this would impact, I would do whatever is most comfortable for you.

Quilting brings calm

@howdoidothis

The veteran’s cemetary part of it should be free. We paid cremation costs and transportation costs to the cemetary. We did not have a visitation- only a brief service at the cemetary. I could have saved transportation costs by collecting the cremated remains at the funeral home myself … but I was creeped out by that.

In addition, there are cremation services that give huge discounts to veterans. We didn’t use them as my parents both preferred a funeral home that has serviced both sides of the family for decades.