Need help accepting caregiver

Richard67

We're trying to hire a caregiver/helper for a few hours a week, but my wife is very private and gets angry at the idea of having someone else in our home. We need some advice on how to resolve this. Thanks.

H1235

Welcome! Would it work to tell her the aide is a friend of the family looking to get in some service hours and she would really be doing them a favor. What about having someone come in to cook and/or clean leaving more time for you to do more hands on caregiving. Maybe take the blame pointing out that you just can’t keep up and you need the help. She probably doesn’t realize how much help she needs and may not want to be told she is the one who needs help. If she is concerned about privacy, would she be willing if certain areas of the house were off limits to the aide? As much as we want our loved ones to be happy, sometimes that’s not possible. If you really need the help, maybe just have the person come in and see how it goes. If your wife gets really upset then it might be necessary to see if her doctor can prescribe medication to help with anxiety. Medication does not mean she is going to be a zombie. You have to consider your health as well. You can only do so much. I hope you can find something that will work.

SDianeL

I told my husband I needed someone to stay with him while I went to my doctor appointments. He didn’t want to at first. The first time she came I stayed home and we just talked. The second time I left for a few hours. The next week my husband asked is his lady was coming. Make sure the person is experienced. With dementia and calm. All she did was sit and listen to him but would have been easy for her to doing more. I didn’t need more help just respite.

Richard67

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/236576#Comment_236576

Thanks. This is helpful, especially about making part of the house off-limits. At least at first anyway.

Richard67

Thanks. This is helpful.

eaglemom

As has been suggested, the "helper" is never for your LO, but rather for you. You can't seem to get everything done so you need someone to come in a few hours a day. Then those few hours slowly increase.

I would make certain that you vet whomever you are letting into your home. Making certain that they are current and understand ALZ & the numerous challenges it presents. Make certain to clearly have what you expect to be completed also.

I know of one friend who hired a gay to mow their yard. Her LO threw a fit - on and on. She calmly said to him that the man she hired was between jobs and HE needed THEIR help my mowing. Her LO liked that idea. He liked it so much that whenever she goes to the grocery store he ask her to "get a little extra" for the lawn man.

eagle