Driving

Elaine2

How do I begin the conversation with my DH who is beginning to show signs of driving incompetence. He rooms over to the lane beside him and straddles the lane lines, he hits the brakes abruptly when he gets in a close situation or even when pulling out of our driveway and sends me forward without my seatbelt on yet even when there’s no traffic coming, he slows down in traffic to nearly below the speed limit even when we’re in a hurry to get somewhere, he doesn’t check his rearview mirrors and has had an accident just last week went backing out of a parking spot. This will crush him.

dancsfo

If you want to have someone else (other than you) break the news, perhaps you can set up an assessment with a a driving instructor (make some story up about it being a renewal or insurance requirement), or if you already have a doctor's assessment, then request a re-examination from the department of motor vehicles. It does depend state by state, if you are in the U.S. I agree it will crush him, but there really isn't an alternative as someone can get hurt.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/dementia-drivers-license-revoked#the-law

SusanB-dil

Do get him off the road asap. Fiblets… 'lose' the keys. Disable the car and tell him the part is on recall but currently unavailable. Yes - do blame the doctor, blame the vehicle, and it will take the blame off of your shoulders.

If something should happen and there is a diagnosis, insurance may not pay. If there is a lawsuit, you could lose everything. Something to think about - If he should hurt himself, you, or an innocent party, that would be worse. There's already been an accident - please don't wait for anything worse. Agree - it isn't easy. It is one of the hardest parts of 'this'.

H1235

I agree with the others, blame the doctor! He may still be upset with you, but it’s worth a try. You might even be able to play alone and sympathize with him, but tell him he really shouldn’t take any chances and should follow the doctors orders. Telling him it needs to be fixed is also an option. This would allow you to get it out of the garage. Even if he seems to accept it I not let him have access to the keys (by leaving them on a hook by the door). As dementia progresses he may be less understanding of this restriction. My mom accepted her diagnosis and that she could not safely live alone 2 years later and she thinks the doctor was wrong and there is no reason she shouldn’t be able to live in her own house. I know you don’t want to take this away, but it’s the dementia taking it away not you! Do it for everyone’s safety please.

ronda b

Has he been diagnosed yet? If so explain insurance will not cover him in a wreck and you guys could be sued. If not get him diagnosed now. Take the keys now before he hurts someone.

Marchbanks

Most states allow you to report unsafe drivers to the DMV anonymously. Just Google “how to report unsafe driver to DMV” and your state and it will tell you what you need to do.

If he has been diagnosed with dementia, you can ask his Dr to help and he/she will usually ask that a driving test be conducted.

You don’t say if you only have one car but if you do that makes it harder for you to make the car inoperable or to hide the keys.

Best of luck, it’s a difficult thing to do but if you are asking the question it’s time to take steps now to protect him, you and others.

Elaine2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/236825#Comment_236825

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/236825#Comment_236825

No he has not been diagnosed yet. He was tested but they said he was “normal” for his age. Even though these incidents don’t happen every time he drives I know we can’t take chances. Thank you all for your comments.

H1235

What kind of testing was done? My mom was tested I. The doctors office (quick test) and did fine. I knew something was wrong and insisted on a neurologist appointment. The neurologist diagnosed her with dementia and said she should not live alone and should not drive. I would not put much into a short test. Before she was diagnosed moms doctor scheduled her for a driving evaluation. I gathered it was some kind of virtual thing. She saw the neurologist first so there was no need for the appointment. Can you write a note to the doctor explaining your concerns and request some kind of driving evaluation?