New to group and majorly overwhelmed

woof1980

I'm trying to care for my grandmother from about 5 hours away. Her memory is declining quickly. I'm the only family to help her. I do have an aunt that lives 20 minutes away from her but my grandmother only trusts her so much and my aunt actually makes things worse. She lives alone and are working to get her into assisted living. I've taken over paying her bills. Originally she forgot where the bank was hut now remembers and keeps pulling money out. We have to voluntarily give back her car to the bank, she can't afford it and doesn't need to be driving anymore. I have no idea what to do about income taxes for her, have to sell her home, which I've never sold a home before. To top it off, she has 2 loans out for $14K each for things on the home, plus newly placed solor panels that she swore were free. Costing 22K over time. How in the world do I add all that cost to the price of the home and expect it to sell? Will have to empty her home out somehow too. All from being 5 hours away and nor being able to go there frequently. I've never had to deal with any of this before and am completely winging it. Both of my parents died at 47 and 67 pretty suddenly, so never had to deal with any of this. I know I have to keep going with all this, but I don't want to do this anymore. I have to be there for her because she helped raise me and had been there for all major events in my life. I feel like i have to do right by her, she has no one else.

towhee

Hello Woof1980, welcome to the discussion board. First, this particular board gets very little traffic, so please repost on the I am a Caregiver or the Caring for a Parent board. Lots of people on here have sold a parent's house and moved them, so you will get good advice. Regarding dealing with Alzheimer's in general, click on "Groups" at the top of the page, and scroll down to one called "New Caregiver Help". There is a lot of good info there.

General advice, break things down into smaller portions and do one thing at the time. Depending on the amount of funds your PWD has you might be able to move them before selling the house. Your first goal is to assess what info you have, and determine what info you need. Talking with a lawyer who specializes in elder care is a good idea, especially if you will be using Medicaid to pay for care at some point.

Do you or your aunt have a Durable Power of Attorney for your person with dementia (PWD)? You will need one as well as a medical POA.

Car—Have you checked Kelley Blue book for its current value? It is a lot more hassle, but you might get more money if you sold it privately instead of letting the bank take it. Does she owe more on it than it is worth? You might end up having to make up the difference.

Bills- Make sure she is current on her property tax, her mortgage if she has one, her homeowners insurance, her car insurance (until you actually get rid of car)( after you get rid of it you should be able to get partial refund). On the remote chance she ever got long term care insurance make sure that is current.

House—you need a good real estate agent. They can walk you through the process and what you need. They will be able to help you set a price. There are actually businesses that specialize in moving older people. If your aunt lives in the area, ask if she has any contacts.

A house is worth what it is worth and that is what you sell it for. You cannot add to the price because of debt, you just have to hope that there is enough equity in the house that it will pay her debts and leave some left over for care. If it does not cover her debts, you might have to look into bankruptcy. You can check on zillow for houses that have sold in the area she lives in that are about the same size, also check property tax value (not always the same as sale value). That will give you a ballpark figure until you can talk to a real estate agent.

Income tax—Hopefully this will not be a problem, if she had someone she took her taxes to then just make an appt with them, take the necessary paperwork, they will do the taxes and all she has to do is sign. If you do not think she has been filling her taxes, that is more of a problem. Look to see how much income she gets from Social Security, remember to add the amount they take out per month for Medicare (She will have gotten a form in the mail from Social Security stating how much she received in 2024 if you can find it), look for any income from annuities, pension payments, income from CD or bond interest or dividends. Add 1/2 of her social security and all of her other income together, if it comes out to less than (I think it is 24K for 2024) she probably does not owe tax on the social security, and if all other income totaled is less than the federal deductible for one person (14K? maybe?) she might not have to file federal tax at all. It tells you how to do this on that Social Security form. However, since I am not a tax professional, I do advise you to check with a tax professional. Also, state tax is totally separate and different.

Best Wishes