mom wants to go home

MOM37

what do I tell my mom when she repeatedly wants to go home, cries, says she wants to die, it's heartbreaking

SusanB-dil

Hi and welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

Has your mom just recently been moved? Very often it takes some time to settle. You could tell her that it is until the doctor says she is well enough to go home, or use fiblets... 'the house is being repaired/painted for now' or 'there's a watermain break at the road or electricity is out on that street'.

If not much is calming her, maybe check with her doc for an anti-depressant.

Sometimes wanting to go home is more a feeling of security and comfort than a place. That may depend on what stage she is, and maybe how long she has been in her current place.

Diannlou

I had the same situation after transitioning my mom with Alz to AL last March, and we would say until the Dr says she's well enough to go home. She is coming up on one year now and doesn't ask anymore. She did struggle with some seasonal depression this year and Dr put her on a low dose antidepressant that is helping. I wish you all the best and try not to be hard on yourself. I struggled with the guilt a lot but as time passes I realize she is in the best place and is safe.

Anonymousjpl123

I’m so sorry you are going through this. It is awful. As others have said, this is a time when medication really can help. A lot. I was so worried my mom would be a zombie and it had the opposite effect. Medication - she was put on a low does or seroquel - was a godsend. I questioned it for depression and anxiety but it absolutely worked. I would ask that she see a Geri psych or even psychiatric nurse practitioner. This is one of those times you don’t have to worry about anything else but helping her feel better.

Another piece of advice I leaned the hard way: visit a lot, but don’t take her out. Have meals there. Make her feel like you don’t hate it there.

It’s a really hard adjustment for both of you. I’m so sorry. Vent here when you need to.

dgilbu

Hello. First time here. My mother wants to go home. She has lived in her current home since 2013. She is adamant she has another home. She wants to walk to her house which is about 30min away...by car. She rarely leaves the house. Is too weak to even make it 2-3 blocks. I live with her. I am at a loss on how to deal with her wanting to go home. I tell her she can go home in a couple of days, which only agitates her. She is on seroquel.

ALCB

Someone on this forum (I forget who—sorry!) said that if you find an answer to a question that works, just use it every time. My grandmother is only in stage 4-5 so I don't have that much experience with this, but I recommend saying something like "we're working on it". She could also be in pain, unable to express it and getting agitated. If you are not already, try PAINAD monitoring. Wishing you and @dgilbu luck.

H1235

My mom is in Al and asks constantly to go home so she can go through her things. She thinks we have no right to go through her house behind her back. She expects to do it all herself or let it sit as is until she passes. Unlike many her memory isn’t too bad, it’s her logic, reasoning, judgment, executive functioning, and general health that are the problem. There is no way she would be able to go through her things. I have even called the local community transportation (small town) and asked them to not pick her up. Al tells me residents are free to come and go as they wish😒. We are trying to get rid of things with estate sales, but she doesn’t know this and would be furious if she found out. She demands to know why I won’t take her to her house. Says what I’m doing is wrong. She believes she is not being treated fairly. In the beginning I tried to explain, but she would just get mad and argue. Since then I just try to change the subject or just leave. We have her on an antidepressant, but I think it needs to be increased. I guess my only point is you are not alone and there is probably no good solution. Dementia stinks!