Getting desperate

Pumka

Hi all. I care for my partner who has dementia and has only just recently been diagnosed even though it has been obvious for two years. He has no idea of the day/date/year nor even the season. He goes to daycare three days a week, thank God, but it's costing us a fortune. My main problem is he's so nasty now, and a compulsive liar. I can't allow him to have any money or access to his bank account as he was spending loads of money on cigarettes and alcohol which he hid around the house. I found ten packets on one occasion. Now I have to give him cigarettes if he asks me for one. It's so depressing to have to live like the tyrant mother figure. He swears at me on a daily basis, and conversation is impossible. I'd love to meet some other people to talk to who understand, but we have no friends here and only one family member. All his family are in Australia. I have cancer but if course get no support or kindness from him. I do get pretty desperate from time to time.

Carl46

Pumka, welcome to the club. You can talk to us, we all live with some version of what you describe.

The local branch of the Alzheimer's Association may be able to refer you to in-person support groups as well.

Biggles

Hello Pumka so sad you have had to find this group, on the strength of that this is such an amazing group all with the same challenges and full of care, support and suggestions if you want them. You can vent, rage, cry, ask questions, anything and everything and you will be treated with love and understanding. By the way I live in Queensland Australia I look at this site everyday it has been my life saver, I always find it amazing to feel the kindness and understanding coming from so far away. I have had very little understanding or support from medical professionals and most friends find it all too difficult which makes it a lonely existence. There’s a great article on this forum search for The Cavalry Is NOT Coming. I found it very helpful.

Well done having your DH at daycare three days a week. I need that break desperately but I’m still getting too much push back from my DH to organise it.

Good luck take care.

Mint

sending a virtual hug to all of you

Russinator

((HUGS))

Denise1847

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/72419/getting-desperate

Hi Pumka, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this on top of your cancer diagnosis. I have 2 suggestions: please get a power of attorney to get control of the finances. Go to an elder care attorney. I paid around $900 for all of the paperwork. If you wait or can't get him to sign it, then you may want to consider getting his family involved in his care. Believe me, this disease will take you down financially and physically/mentally. You don't deserve this. Secondly, get a doctor to prescribe some meds form the anger etc. My DH is on Seraquel and it is great. He is in a MC facility because I couldn't handle it anymore. This is a lengthy disease which could last 10 or more years. Please take care of yourself.

Dio

Sorry you have to be here. But heed Denise1847's recommendations.

SDianeL

so sorry. We know how you feel. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husbands diagnosis. You do become the mother figure because he becomes child like. I doubt he realizes he’s lying. As this forum taught me, you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. People with dementia hoard and hide things and can no longer control their actions. Soon he will require 24/7 care. Please consider memory care or at least plan for it. An attorney who specializes in elder care can help. Your mental and physical health depends on it. Sending hugs. 💜