What to tell

lanie68ny

So, mom is pleasantly demented, and in a terrific ALF. That said besides her memory issues she is pretty healthy thank god. 84yr old.

Her sister is not well and declining and I cannot imagine it will be long she is 90 very sick in hospital. Should my aunt pass, Should I tell mom? She of course remembers her and asks about her now and again. But I find if I do anything to take her away from her daily routine it messes with her for a week, and the confusion worsens etc. We live far away from my aunt so it's not like we see her. I dont want to be disrespectful by not telling her something so serious, but if effects my mom's wellbeing is my concern

Thoughts?

SusanB-dil

Generally speaking, it is not usually brought up.

My mother would be upset if she knew something were to happen to her sister, so we would not tell her. MIL wouldn't care, as she is beyond that and there is no empathy, so we would probably just mention it to her. And they are both approximately same stage of 'this', with mother being slightly more advanced, but still with a bit of empathy.

H1235

My mil was not only told she was taken to the funeral out of state. She was so confused she had know idea what was going on. Days after getting back she was complaining that her sister hadn’t called in ages. My husband and I didn’t correct her or explain why she hadn’t called. I’m not sure what my sister in laws that insisted she be taken to the funeral told her. You know your mom best. There is nothing disrespectful about doing what is best for your mom. My moms memory is not so bad and she talks with her brother every day. I would probably tell her if my uncle passed. I wouldn’t have much choice anyway, my brother believes mom has a right to know everything (regardless of how upsetting it is).

psg712

My mom has only mentioned my dad once in the past 2 years, saying that she hasn't seen him for a while (he died more than a decade ago). I just said that I miss him too and we'll see him again. She seemed satisfied with that.

If one of her siblings should pass before she does, I will not tell her about it. They live in other states and she has not seen them in several years.