Nights are the worst...

RetiredTeacher

I'm sure I'm not alone with dreading the nighttime and my DH with VD's increased agitation. He does well during the day but when he goes to bed, he is asleep within 5 minutes but his sleep is so restless. He is up and down all night going to the restroom, pulling, fighting with and getting entangled in the sheets and blankets. He gets frustrated and swears and finally goes to sleep for a bit and then the cycle repeats itself over and over. He also is restless in bed, has vivid dreams and wakes up confused and speaks gibberish when I ask him to tell me what's wrong. I feel badly for him going through this but it is awful for both of us. Noone is getting any decent sleep. He is on Trazadone 150 mg at night. Today I removed the top sheet, the blankets and bedspread from our King bed and am going to try a twin blanket on his side and one on my side. I'm trying my best to navigate this nighttime nightmare. He refuses to consider us sleeping separately. I have moved to the couch but he follows me and refuses to go back to bed. I love him but no sleep does not work for anyone. Have any of you dealt with something similar and found a way to deal with it? Do any of you have suggestions? I hope we both get more sleep soon.

. My husband has VD

Carl46

You can't get by on little or no sleep indefinitely. I don't have that problem, ordinarily. My wife is restless some nights but not usually, and I can tolerate one restless night occasionally.

I have no suggestions for helping him sleep. However, the caregiver being unable to sleep is one of the primary reasons for placement in memory care. There, the night shift can sleep during the day - and you can sleep at night.

midge333

You need to sleep separately. Chronic sleep deprivation will impair your ability to be a caregiver and will impair your health.

RetiredTeacher

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/237547#Comment_237547

Thanks for responding Carl46. I do understand I need to sleep for my own health and sanity but I'm concerned he won't do well in a MC facility at this point. He is still able to dress himself, feed himself, can make a sandwich, is continent and has not lost much memory. He is not social, doesn't interact much and shadows me constantly. I think he'd be lost in a big facility and don't know if he'd go down hill faster. Im trying to delay having to place him because other than sleep issues, he does relatively well at home and MC is tremendously expensive and an asset destroyer. I'm going to see how the blanket situation goes tonight and will contact the doctor to see if there are any other medications that can be added to help at night. I do appreciate your input. This is not easy for any of us.

Carl46

None of this is easy. I know it's easier for me to say than for you to do, because I'm not having to place my wife - yet. Just be sure to take care of yourself, for your husband's sake as well as your own.

Biggles

My DH also has VD and Aphasia he’s so sweet and I love him but it’s exhausting and of course 24/7. We have been through the same restless agitated sleeplessness, up and down all night, getting caught up in the blanket’s etc and not knowing how to retain saintly while being so tired. He was getting paranoid about people breaking into the house, nasty neighbours (they are nice) and kids pinching the car. We have a 6’ fence with lockable gates, garage etc. He would get up at night with his torch creep around in the dark muttering and chasing shadows. Quite horrible. Meds don’t agree with him, he takes 10mg Melatonin to calm him. I started by telling him to hang on tight to me in the night if he woke up and I would keep him safe and tell any intruders to get lost. I kept reassuring him that I had locked the gates, the garage, the car, the front door going through them one by one etc. and then we got a puppy that sleeps in our room. I don’t know how it works but he knows he has to be quiet and not wake the puppy. I also hid the keys so he can’t ‘escape’, I leave the bathroom light on door open, and a light on in his little office where he has pulled everything out of the cupboards and I sleep as best I can knowing he is relatively safe. This seems to be working at the moment he is still up at 5.30 each morning but I have said I’m not getting up till 6am and then we will have a cup of tea and toast on the back deck. It seems to satisfy him. Try anything that is gentle and calm. He woke the puppy one night I crawled into the spare bed with puppy, we both slept peacefully. Good luck it’s a heartfelt shocking job.

Biggles

PS you could try getting rid of sheets and blankets and get a doona

SDianeL

my DH also hated the bed sheets and blankets. I took off the top sheet and got a soft plush lightweight blanket and did not tuck it in. You can also get something for the end of the bed that lists the blanket so it doesn’t touch his feet. Ask the doctor for something else to help him sleep. Tell the doctor about the dreams and hallucinations. My DH took Risperidone and it helped. You can’t go on without sleep. If you can’t get him something to help him sleep you may have no choice but to place him in memory care.

June45

My heart goes out to you. I had planned to take care of my husband at home until the end. But after 2 years of sleepless nights, I placed him in MC. My husband wandered around the house in middle of the night. I tried everything - hope you can find something that will work. Sleep deprivation is often a torture technique used on POWs.