Time shift

hhurd1972

My mom has Alzheimer's and seems stuck 31 years ago when her step dad passed away. She keeps insisting on going to the funeral home and make his arrangements. I have tried everything including telling her I have already done it to he's been gone for many years. She gets angry over it. Not really sure how to handle this. My father also has vascular dementia and is in the paranoid stage. Not sure how to handle that either. It's just my sister and I taking care of them. Dad is still in his home and mom has been moved into my sister's home. She does come to my house every other weekend. Any advice or recommendations would be such a blessing. Thank you.

H1235

Welcome. This is rough. Sorry you have to be here. Could you tell her there is appointment tomorrow or whenever to make arrangements and you will make sure she is there. Repeat repeat repeat. Will she remember and wake up the next day wanting to go? She seems focused on and worried about making funeral arrangements. This might give her some reassurance. Many here suggest that we need to live in their world. Acknowledge and reassure. I hope you can find something to give her some peace.

hhurd1972

I have done that, told her I already have it all done and it's next Tuesday. But 30 minutes later she says we gotta go make the arrangements and gets upset. I'll tell her I already did it and when they will be. My sister just says we are not going to talk about that

harshedbuzz

@hhurd1972

Some PWD seem to time-travel. My dad returned to a period in his life when he was quite happy which made things easier for us. The wife of a fellow support group member struggled when his wife returned to WWII Nazi occupied Belgium which seems more like what your mom is experiencing in returning to a difficult period in her life. In situations like that it's best to meet them where they are emotionally and validate those feelings. Tiresome as it is when your LO gets stuck in a loop, reassuring gently is the better tactic. Perhaps your sister would be a better caregiver if she understood how a PWD's mind works.

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

There are also great videos on Teepa Snow's YouTube channel that discuss redirect PWD who are stuck.

Paranoia like your dad is experiencing often responds well to medication. If his neurologist or PCP aren't comfortable prescribing psychoactive meds, it would be great to see a geriatric pschiatrist for meds management.

HB

Quilting brings calm

Your sister is trying a form of redirect - but she needs to just change the subject instead of responding. ‘Mom- would you like some ice cream - or it’s time for x show on TV.’
Was her step-father buried or interred with a gravestone or nameplate? Can you ( or someone local) take a photo of it? There’s a website called Find a Grave that might already have a photo of it. Get it printed and hand it to her every time she mentions arrangements. ‘ Mom, that’s been handled… here, this is what you chose’.

hhurd1972

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/237600#Comment_237600

I have one on my phone and showed it to her, it did nothing for her.