Work at neighbor’s - worried about DH’s reaction

annie51

One more thing to worry about…we have a section of chain link fence between us and our neighbor (fence is slightly on our property). It’s covered with a beautiful passion flower vine, which they planted so it’s rooted on their side. Now they plan on extending their vinyl fence inside the chain link which means pulling out the passion flower. I am so worried about how DH will react - I’ve seen him get quite nasty when he thinks someone is messing with his property. This will happen in about 10 weeks. Not sure what to do…we’re home all the time. I’ve thought about trying to get him out somewhere but if he comes home and sees it he’ll have a fit. If I try to tell him ahead of time, he’ll forget I told him. Of course I won’t be able to reason with him that she planted it in the first place. I know you all can’t solve this but I just needed to vent - it’s hard to explain how hard every little thing is when you’re living with dementia.

aconite

is it possible to move the vine to somewhere on your property? Maybe the neighbors might help if you explained how the loss of vine would affect him.

annie51

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/237619#Comment_237619

The vine is so intertwined with the chain link but maybe we could salvage part of it. Definitely worth trying. My biggest worry is if he’ll get angry at the workers and cause a ruckus. sometimes I expect the worst and he surprises me…

Biggles

it is the little things that can cause the greatest stress and anger. Could you get some bushy and maybe flowery plants and find a reason to plant them on your side of the chain before it’s removed, also as suggested using some of the original vine. Perhaps be ready to go out for a drive when you see the workers arrive. My DH was very angry and distressed this morning, I was having a long drawn out phone conversation with our Daughter. With difficulty he told me that ‘they’ were on our property and destroying our house there was a lot of noise. Investigating it was tree loppers clearing and wood chipping trees from a house down the road. OMG it’s hard. Good luck.

SDianeL

get some cards to give to the workers letting them know that he has dementia. Let your neighbor know. Keep him inside if you can. Redirect and distract. Not much else you can do. Is he on medication? If not maybe time for some, if so maybe increase the dose. Talk to his doctor.

annie51

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/237692#Comment_237692

What type of medication works for this? Would it be something for agitation? He is not on anything now except for memantine.

ladyzetta

Maybe when you take him for a drive, if possible and would make a difference come home when it's dark.

housefinch

Maybe an antipsychotic if his behavior is really becoming unmanageable and making you have to walk on eggshells. Examples would be quetiapine and risperidone.

ronda b

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/237711#Comment_237711

Yes

jfkoc

are you talking inches or feet?

I would be very certain of the property line.

Perhaps they would be kind enough to put the fence on their side of the roots.

annie51

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/237750#Comment_237750

It is inches and they will want to link into the gate they already have at the front of the property. It may be that they could just cut what’s on their side of the chain link and leave our side. I should check to see if some of it has grown down into the ground on our side.

SDianeL

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/237711#Comment_237711

antipsychotic. Something for anxiety and agitation. It takes a couple of weeks to work so talk to the doctor asap.