New to forums...I really, REALLY hate this disease

dbgalvan

52 y/o male taking care of my 76 y/o mother who got diagnosed around 2 years ago. Following a stroke my mom had, my wife and I moved our family to a more affordable town so I could move her in and care for her. I didn't know at the time that she was at the beginnings of AD. We noticed some strange behaviors but chalked it up to her stroke and ignored it for about a year until she began to not recognize her dogs (which are her life). Took her to get tested and sure enough diagnosed with AD/RD. That was 2 years ago. Since then it has been a horrible experience.

At first it was just her forgetting things and repeating stories over and over again with the occasional accusations of family members taking things from her. In just those 2 years she has progressed to having delusions, being super picky about what she eats, aggressive, saying mean hateful things about my wife, hiding food and other things in her room, becoming obsessed with moving back to her old place, being obsessed with her "friends" that want her to go party with her (she has no friends), texting very untrue things about my wife and me to family members (everyone knows she has AD so we just get the "hey your mom texted me this (screenshot) just want to let you know"). It's super frustrating but I KNOW this is not my mom.

My mom used to be the sweetest lady I knew. Caring, loving, honest…she used to let my cousins move in with her when they didn't have places to go, feed them and care for them when they were down on their luck just because "they are family". She used to be super independent and never asked for anything. Now this disease has turned her into someone I don't even know anymore. Don't get me wrong though, she has her good days. There are days where she is lucid and remembers a bunch and there are glimmers of who she used to be, but I can tell that those days are starting to become less and more angry days are starting to appear.

I have a pretty good support system Both my wife and I work full time and both our bosses have been EXTREMELY patient and understanding with us. I work from home Mon - Tues - Friday and my wife works from home Wed - Thu - Friday. We ended up moving in my nephew (her grandson) to help and he has been a saint. He helps us out so much with her but she is super aggressive with him. He doesn't quite understand it fully and I'm doing my best to help him understand. My wife is a godamn saint. I sometimes have to remind her that's it's the disease and not my mom and she understands it, but she gets very hurt sometimes by what my mom says to and about her. My mom used to LOVE my wife. They were super close and my wife has done nothing but try to help her and be encouraging to me, but I can tell it's taking a toll. I'm glad we have a super good and strong relationship because I'm sure anyone else would have bailed a while ago.

Anyhow…okay enough feeling sorry for myself. I just had to get this off my chest. This disease can f*ck right off. I hate it and I hate what it's doing to my mom. I've been reading your other posts and some of it is inspiring…and I am so thankful and honored to read some of the experiences. It's sometimes good to know that I am not the only one going through this and reading how some others have handled it are giving me some great tips on how to deal with it myself.

Thank you for reading (if you got this far, LOL). I look forward to posting up more and more on here. Cheers!

cdgbdr

May God bless and keep you and your family as you deal with this. Having support is a blessing.

ESkayP

You've come to the right place. Feel free to rant whenever you need to. I've done that plenty! It helps to get it all out, and it also helps others to know that we are experiencing the same things. We are definitely a community, and we understand each other's trials with this awful disease. The continuous looping of sadness, coping, and anger can be exhausting. Don't forget to take care of yourself.

SusanB-dil

agree - 'this' SUCKS

So sorry you are dealing with it

Missy67

Right there with you on the extreme HATRED for this disease. I feel like I am grieving my mom and she is still here. What she used to hate she now likes, and vice versa. The repetition. The repitition. THE REPETITION. It's one of the worst things :( It kills me that we have spent a ridiculous amount of time together for the last 15 years, living only a mile apart, and now it's just painful most days to be there because of all the challenges. I am 57 and mom is 78, and dad is 88. He appears to be a spring chicken at times compared to her. They both also have cancer. I feel like I'm doing everything except brush their teeth for them, including being their sole social circle. I have 4 kids but the boys don't get over there very often. My daughter and her daughter try hard to go spend time, but have the same struggle as me…..it's HARD to be there. It's hot and stuffy, the lights are set to gitmo level, the complaints are never ending, the racism is unbelievably hard to tolerate. It fkng sucks. I have lost a lot of close relatives. I know that when she's gone gone, I will mourn having ANY time with her……..but it's hard, so so very hard.

H1235

We all know we will loose our parents at some point and as hard as it is I think most are able to accept that. What is unbearable, is seeing the person we love turn into someone we don’t recognize. The anger, accusations, lack of empathy, demands all being directed at the person who is pushing themselves to the very edge to do everything they can for them. Our memories of our loved one are tainted. It’s awful. You’re not alone.